Waiting for May
by White Rose1
Summary: You can't let me win, otherwise I won't tell you anything, Shindo glared at his rival standing in front of him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Hikaru no Go, at times I wish I did though

A: everyone does moron

WR: AYA-KUN that's not nice

A:Hn….

**Waiting for May**

"What are you doing here?"

The question hung in the thick cold winter air. Touya Akira stood in his front doorway, with a blanket wrapped around his body. It had been snowing all day and he wasn't feeling his best so he had called out sick. He had apologized to his students but he didn't want to play unless he was playing 100. So he slept the morning away and then took a nice hot bath. After two minutes after finally settling down to read some old kifu and drink a cup of hot tea with honey, the doorbell rang. Now he was freezing and still waiting for a reply from the person standing outside his door. He glared darkly at the boy standing in front of him. There stood Shindo Hikaru, with his bleached bangs frozen from the falling snow and out of breath. The boy wasn't answering his question, just staring at him panting heavily. It was getting colder by the second.

"Did you run all the way here?" There was still no response. "Shindo!" The boy snapped out of his daze and their eyes locked. "Why are you here?" this only accomplished in having the other boy stare down at his shoes again. What was so damn fascinating that he was standing here looking at his snow covered shoes while giving him glimpses from underneath locks of bleached blonde bangs.

"I…need…I…."

"Will you just come in? It's freezing outside and you're increasing my heating bill." Touya snapped pulling the boy in from the freezing cold. Within moments the two of them were heading towards the Go room because that's where they always ended up. Touya sniffled and made Hikaru a cup of tea while reheating his now cold tea. The other boy continued stare at him as he handed him the cup.

"So what's so important that you need to come all the way here in the middle of a blizzard?" Touya asked crossly.

Shindo looked up at his rival sitting across from him. Then he turned his head to the gobans and then back to Touya, but he remained silent. He tossled his head in a negative motion as if he was arguing with himself.

"Do you want to play a game?" Touya asked concerned, Shindo was being quiet, too quiet. There was a rumor going around the Go Institute that a quiet Shindo meant inedible death of this opponent. It had been around last May when that occurred. The other pro was so humiliated and he left the profession all together. No one even dared to mention the incident let alone the name. Now, that he was face to face with a quiet Shindo and it was beginning to freak him out.

"Sure," Shindo answered after a moment, his usual smile flashed upon his features. Touya paused for a moment then offered his own smile of uncertainty, "Ok that's fine." Then he muttered, " Are you going to tell me what's up? Or are you going to tell me if you loose?."

"I could play that game but I'm not going to sink to your level of cuteness, so nice try." Shindo announced with his usual arrogance and gave Touya a wink.

"W…What.. What was that about? It was a joke Shindo," Touya asked his face suddenly felt hot and he knew it wasn't from the fever. "And I'm not cute."

Shindo snorted as they nigiri, a smirk flashing from underneath the bleach bangs. Touya sighed shaking his head, the cold must be affecting him more than he thought.

"Of course your not, especially when your falling asleep on the couch," Shindo remarked and went into the upper left corner.

"Shindo, shut up," Touya growled shooting the boy with a glare, slapping the stone down on the wooden surface.

PACHI!

An hour later the two pros had finalized the game and Shindo had seemed to tie Touya. The host was about ready to start throwing things at his rival who was throwing him a smirk from his position on the floor. "Will you stop looking so smug already and just leave." Touya snapped standing up to storm out of the room. His head was pounding from the game and the reactions. He reached the door and turned back to see Shindo staring out into the courtyard. A white layer of snow covered the ground. It was quiet and calm and Shindo was just watching the snowflakes fall from a gray blue sky. "Shindo?" he asked approaching the boy, he watched the boy breathe heavily. He could feel his forehead being hot again.

"Hey Touya," Shindo asked curiously still watching the snow fall. "You could have beaten me."

Touya shrugged and turned to look out at the courtyard, one eye studying the other boy.

"So, I usually beat you," he replied with a shrug.

"True," Shindo chuckled. "I'm grateful, I wouldn't have told you anything if you beat me anyway."

"I figured as much," Touya just smiled while shaking his head. The snow continued to fall from the sky. Two teenage boys sat side by side staring as the powder increased silently.

"Hey Touya, what are you doing in May?"

"We're pretty busy, we have a lot of tournaments coming up for titles then," Touya replied, "I have to take Meijin back from Ogata, he's been hogging for it too long."

"Ah, that's right, two years," Shindo answered whisk fully, falling back onto the floor with a flop. Arms outstretch to the side, almost touching Touya's fingertips. His bangs were hiding his eyes again as he stared at the ceiling. Touya shook his head, for some reason his face was feeling flushed again. Out of the corner he could see the ghost of a smile on his rival's lips as their fingertips brushed.

Silence fell again between the two. Touya's mind began to wander, _what was Shindo doing here? He played his game and is just hanging out. Why the heck would he be hanging out at here? We' re rivals not friends. So why is he here? _

"I'm going on a trip on the 1st week of May," Shindo announced out of the blue. Touya's head nearly snapped off as he whipped it to stare at the other teenager.

"WHAT! ARE YOU INSANE!" Touya moved so fast as he fisted the t-shirt of Shindo's pulling him closer as he met intense shocked green eyes. "You can't afford to take a trip during the preliminaries of the Hoinbou, not with your record. You said you wanted to take the title THIS YEAR! Shindo! Are you listening? SHINDO!" Touya was shouting at the top of his lungs furiously shaking him.

"I'm not ready yet," Shindo replied after a moment staring at Touya intently, pulling his shirt free and taking several steps back from Touya. "And I am going to take the title this year." Fierce green eyes stared back at Touya and his rival just gritted his teeth. They continued to stare at each other intently, Touya was tightening his fist and glared. "Oh never mind," Shindo threw his arms up and muttered something about, "not ready yet. Should have known." The he loudly announced as he always did when they had a fight, throwing up his hands in a familiar manner. "That's it, I'm going home." The boy headed towards the hall, his hand resting on the doorframe, pausing for a second. He turned back and flashed a smile to Touya, "I hope you feel better. I'll see you later."

"Not ready for what?" it was quiet and stern but the tone Touya was taking meant pure business.

"You're obviously not ready yet," Shindo stated while crossing his arms in front of his chest dramatically, leaning against the door frame.

Touya stared at him, Shindo had just made him feel like a child and he was enjoying this…this torture. That fact infuriated Touya, they were the same age, and how he can be so degrading. "Not ready for what?" Touya asked louder, and the glaring contest of doom began again.

"You really want to know?" Shindo asked staring at Touya intently. He nodded firmly. "I'll tell you when I beat you. That will be by the 1st week of May. Then you and I are going to go on a trip and then I'll tell you everything."

"Everything?" Touya stared with a childlike innocence, and then silence set in as Shindo allowed the other teenager to absorb what he had just said. His jaw dropped in shock as he found his knees began to shake. "You mean…"

"I want a fair and square game. I want a game that…he would be proud of. You can't let me win," Shindo interrupted him, "otherwise I won't tell you a thing and I'll know, Akira." Piercing green eyes bore into his soul, "You have until spring, and don't worry about the other games because they're going to be postponed this year."

"Why?" Touya asked.

"Because something about a leap year," Shindo muttered while holding his chin going off into deep thought, a childish smile on his face.

"That's not what I meant," Touya growled taking a forceful step forward, invading Shindo's personal space again. "I mean why are you doing this now?"

"Because I need to know if I'm really ready to move on," Shindo answered quietly, turning away and heading towards the hall. "Thanks for the game, Touya."

Touya moved before he fully process what was going on. His hands found themselves entangled in Shindo's t-shirt again. Green eyes were wide with surprise as they toppled back onto the floor, Touya landing on top of him. Touya pinned the other boy staring down at him angrily, "You think that's it. You just waltz in like you did the first time. Play a game. Say some stuff that makes no sense at all then run out. I never gave you permission to call me by name."

"What are you so angry about, Akira? You must be really sick, you usually don't loose your temper this much," Shindo gave a smile while staring up at him. His green eyes held a softer tone. "You're finally getting what you've always wanted."

"No," Touya stated firmly staring at him, "It was a tie. A tie! Damn it! I didn't win."

"You didn't loose either," Shindo replied calmly, "Neither did I. I just told you the plan that's all. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"Why are you here?" Touya was getting tired of this merry-go-round of questions. However, Shindo seemed to like rhetorical questions.

"The same reason you are," Shindo answered with evil smile, "You seriously think you can play hooky and not have me know about it." Suddenly, the tables were turned and Touya found his back on the ground and Shindo resting on his lap. Green eyes held mischievous and victory, "I once told you I would tell you the story someday. I just wanted to see if you were ready for what it entails, Touya Akira." The two stared at each other, Touya glaring daggers at the teenager on his lap. Their faces were inches from each other, his expression was one that would make his father proud. Shindo's childlike smile just hovered over him, then he blinked breaking off the staring contest. It was brief but he swore he felt a slight pressure on his lips for a millisecond. His entire body was having hot flashes as the weight disappeared as he snapped his eyes open. "I'll see you later, Touya." Then just like a ghost, his rival was gone. He didn't hear the front door opened and closed with a slam.

That's how his parents found him when they came home hours later. Lying on the floor in the Go room, staring aimlessly at the ceiling a small smile on his lips. His face was red but not from the fever and the courtyard covered in a blanket of snow.

"Touya, what are you doing?" his mother's concerned voice broke the silence.

"Waiting for May," he replied and quickly ran towards his room.


	2. Chapter 2

WR: (runs onto stage dodging knives and rotten tomatos)Um…before I get into the fic, I would like to announce something….I'm sorry I posted the wrong chapter, I got my titles mixed up so now I present the real chapter 2 of waiting for may. It's defiantly not my best work. But hey I'll try harder when I get more time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go….cries

Waiting for May

Chapter 2

It wasn't until the beginning of the third week that their paths finally crossed again. He had been on his way to another dan game and waiting for the elevator. When the elevator doors opened, the world went into slow motion. Out waltzed his rival shouting in protest with his companions. Touya couldn't move. His body had forgotten how as eyes locked on the familiar body. Only one thought raced through his head, _since when had Shindo become so… attractive? _Then their eyes met and the world sped up.

"SHINDO!"

The door to the elevator slammed closed and shouting came from the other side of the door. Then it rose to the top floor, Touya took the stairs in sprint, exhausted when he finally reached the same floor. But this time when the door opened, only the friends remained petrified. Shindo was gone.

"What do you want Touya?" Waya asked coldly.

"Shindo? Where's Shindo?" he was going to become hysterical in a moment.

"He went home," Isumi replied calmly.

"Where does he live?"

"He's your rival and you don't even know where he lives?" Waya asked in shock.

"He lives in.."

"Don't tell him Isumi! Shindo will never get any sleep at this rate," Waya protested. The other pro lifted an eyebrow at his companion, and then shook his head.

"Please tell me," Touya ignored the comment.

Isumi ignored Waya, studying the other pro, then with a sigh and a gentle smile, "Sure."

It took him forty five minutes to finally reach the small apartment building with an overlook of a park. He huffed as he rang the door bell. Glaring at the door, his anger was once again building. _How dare Shindo avoid me. I mean it was his idea in the first place. It's March, two months until May. Doesn't he want to tell me? We're running out of time. Shindo, what is going through your head?_ He tried the doorbell again, only to stare, a girl opened the door. Touya stared, his mouth just went dry, and he felt like he had just been punched in the stomach.

"Touya-kun!" the girl exclaimed with a smile, she was wearing a high school uniform. "It's been a while."

"Ah," he stated calmly, feeling like a fish out of water. The girl looked familiar, an old aquantiance of Shindo's. "Ah, Fujisaki-san, gomen nasi, I must have the wrong address," he stumbled over the words, turning away.

She grabbed his arm before he could successfully leave. "It's Akari," she corrected him with a smile, "Don't worry, Hikaru-kun is here," she stated, "I was just leaving. He's been tutoring me for our high school Go tournament, that's coming up in a few days." She smiled sweetly. He noticed it was the same mischievous look Shindo had after developing a new move and was about to try it. However, on Shindo's expression it was difficult to detect, the girl's intention was crystal clear. Someone had just caught the mouse.

"Touya!" Shindo appeared by the entrance. "What are you doing here? How did you get this address?"

_Shindo was here. Shindo..you... The stupid moron was messing with my head, again._ Touya's thoughts raced speeding up. There was a moment of silence. Then anger that had been building for the past three weeks erupted.

"What am I doing?" he snapped hotly. "I have been looking for you for three weeks."

"Three weeks….hm what did I do then…Oh,…oh shit!" his rival realized as his face paled, "I was so busy tutoring the Haze's High School Go Club that I forgot. They don't have a coach so they come to me for help. Gomen Touya."

"Don't say your sorry, let me in so we can play a game," he snapped, huffing. "Honestly, you're always doing this. How can you remember one thing and forget the next? Then how do you come up with such lousy stragetries that barely save yourself?"

"It's not my fault! I got busy," Shindo snapped back. "You don't see me complaining when you are busy and don't have time for a game. And they are not lousy strategies, they are good valid ones that help me win!"

"That's different, I contact you," Touya protested. "You just show up at my house demand to play and then…" he wanted to shout, "How could you kiss me and then leave like that." Part of him wanted to push Shindo against the wall and then….a blush reached his cheeks. Embrassed, ee turned away clenching his fist and then glared darkly, "You have been avoiding me."

"I have not!"

"Yes you have!"

"I told you I got busy."

"When are you too busy to play me?"

"I just got busy for a change. It's not like that."

"Oh then what's it like then eh?"

The girl watched the conservation quickly escalate. It was worse than watching a tennis match between rival schools. _What is this like?_ She mused to herself and then smirked. She covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. At the echoing sound, both boys turned looking at her as if she had just appeared out of thin air.

"Huh? You're still here? Akari what is it?" Shindo asked curiously.

For once she her middle school friend off the hook. "You guys act like an old couple," she giggled, giving them a wink.

Shindo's face went bright red and he protested, "We… We do not act like an old couple." Touya looked like he was going to faint as he just silently stared between the two old friends. For a moment Akari thought he was going to bolt.

"Ah," she shrugged and then stated, "Well, I gotta go home. Thanks for the game, Hikaru."

"It's Shindo-sensei!" the boy protested as the giggling girl skipped away, glancing back only to disappear at the end of the hallway. The bleached blonde boy sighed shaking his head, grabbing back for Touya's hand and pulling him into the apartment. The door slammed behind them.

"Honestly, I can't believe her at times," Shindo muttered crossly. Touya remained quiet as his rival went into his own world of ranting about best friends and secrets. "Can't just keep her mouth shut for two seconds."

Touya just stared in a daze at the back of his rival's head. Lowering his gaze slowly, he landed on the nap of a slender neck. For some reason, his face felt hot. He just threw on a pleasant smile.

"I swear, she has the worst timing," Shindo muttered, "She's graduating this year so she wants Haze to win very badly." Touya just stared at the other teenager in front of him. His heart rate was accelerating the longer their hands touched. "Akira? Are you getting sick again?" Shindo asked, suddenly standing very close. Touya jumped backwards, not realizing that their hands were still joined. Shindo sling shot into his body and they landed against the wall with a thud.

When Touya opened his eyes met pools of bright green. _Am I back having that dream again?_ Unconciously, his eyes focused on soft lips in front of him.His mouth felt dry, and the thudding of his heart echoed through his ears. His face was getting hotter as he noticed the streak of red across Shindo's face. They just stood there, Shindo's hands planted firmly on the wall, their bodies only ten centimeters from each other. Touya closed his eyes for a moment, waiting for something. He wanted something but he couldn't really remember what it was.

A heavy sigh broke the spell as Shindo pulled away, leaving Touya's body feeling suddenly cold. The pit in his stomach had returned. He felt dizzy and suddenly sea sick. _You_ _need to get a hold of yourself, Touya, it's just Shindo. _ Firmly, he grit his teeth holding his breathe. _I want…I…need…Shindo…how could you…I…I'm so confused. What do you want from me? _His chest ached and he wanted to cry, he felt cornered and panicy. Then his breathe was coming in heaves and he couldn't get enough.

"Didn't you come for a game, Akira?" Shindo asked breaking the uneasy silence. He found himself staring at Shindo's back again. _When did he turn away, why?_

"Hai," he firmly stated, composing himself forcefully. The rage was back and this time he had a legitimate reason. "I came for a game, Shindo." His voice did not waver as he stepped away from the wall. "Because….I don' t recall giving you permission to call me by my frist name."

"Huh? You're mad about that!" Shindo's innocent eyes shone back at him. "I thought…"

"You thought? You can't just start calling people's their first names," Touya growled, "you never asked me permission, you just started to."

"But I thought," Shindo began.

"No," the other rival snapped, "when I beat you, then and only then do you have to the right to call me Akira." Shindo turned away, an expression of a lost puppy that had shown up on his front proch three weeks ago, flashed through Touya's mind. Sallowing the lump in his throat, Touya paused and gave a gentle smile, "And then I can call you Hikaru."

Shindo's face was something that Touya wasn't expecting. It was of surprise and a mixture of delight and fright.

"What if I win?" Shindo asked hesitantly.

"Then you're ready to tell me about Sai," Touya stated calmly noticing the cleared goban. He sat down across from where the familiar fan was sitting. He didn't say anything just waiting patiently. Briefly, he remembered the image of his father many years before waiting for an invisible opponent. His father's opponent was Sai, and Shindo Hikaru was his. His father had the patience more than a mortal man should so, he too could have the patience for Shindo to sit down and face him. Fortuantly for him, Shindo was easy to find in comparison to Sai.

An uneasy silence echoed through the apartment, as Shindo sat down with the fan at his side. His familiar bleach bangs hooding his face, then taking a deep sigh he looked up. Touya's lips went in a firm line. Both of them had their game faces on and it was only just beginning. _So this is the silent Shindo, he won't even show to me. _Touya's hands sweated with anticipation. Shindo's lips formed one word that set both of them in motion for the next three hours.

"Nigiri"

PA-CHI!

It had been three hours. Three long hours since Touya had come to Shindo demanding a game. Three hours of battling across a 19 by 19 board. Black destroyed white, white destroyed black. Now it was over. The winner had slaughtered and conquered. The defeated could only hang his head in shame. This was their dance that was never ending, the winner's shoulders relaxed silently as he doubled counted. _Yes, I have won but only by two monk. It was a good game. He truly is my rival in every shape and form._ Then he heard a sound that made him feel suddenly sick to his stomach.

Touya looked over at his rival, his heart ached at the image in front of him. Shindo Hikaru was crying. He couldn't count the amount of times he remembers his rival laughing, smiling, and being like the sunshine in spring. But he could count the number of times he had seen Shindo Hikaru cry. This was the third time but it was the first time he had ever been the cause. It was wrenching at his heart strings. Wetting his lips his voice tried to comfort his rival, "Shindo, are you alright?"

"Yeah," the blonde hair teenager sniffled, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I'm… find…it's…just a shock." He chuckled in the way he always did when he lost an important match, "I mean, it's just a game."

Touya did not relpy but started to clear the board. "I guess I should go."

"If you want," blonde bleach hair was hooding dull green eyes. A few sniffles echoed through the shuffling of the stones.

Touya frowned at this reaction and gently took his hand. When their faces had gotten so close, Touya never knew. Hesitantly, his arms wound around the other's body and Shindo's head fell on his shoulder. Then the heaves of breathe racked both their bodies, Touya found himself slowly rubbing Shindos' back in soothing circles. "It was a good game. I'm glad that you are my rival." He almost missed the fact he wanted to cry along with Shindo but he kept his face cool, "I'm sure Sai will be proud of any game that you play, Hikaru." Then the body in his embrace stiffened and he found himself staring at tear stained eyes. Green eyes held so many secrets and drove his rival forward with such passion.

"Akira…I…"

"It's ok," he gave a soft smile and kissed Hikaru's forehead. "Whenever you're ready, besides we still have a few months."

"No, it's not that, Akira," Hikaru replied trying to break the hug off, "I just couldn't breathe, you were hugging me too tight." Green eyes looked back, while stained with a pair of blushed cheeks.

Akira coughed nervously and broke away standing up. His dark eyes glanced at the clock it was eight at night. "I need to get going," he stated heading towards the door.

"Ah," Hikaru stood up, "Are you going to be at the Salon again this week?"

Akira snorted, "where else would I be?"

"Well, its just that Haze's High School Go Club is in a tournament this Wednesday," Hikaru was looking everywhere but at him. Akira frowned at his but waited as Hikaru continued, "I was wondering if you would like to come and see. They'll be playing Kaio and then you can go and see your old coach….Then if you wanted we could go out to eat."

"Hikaru," Akira's eyes widened at this, "Do you mean a date?"

"Umm…..h..hai," Hikaru hesitated, then started waving his hands around in protest, "but it doesn't have to be if you don't want. I…you… we could just go to a Salon."

"Hikaru," Akira paused, "what exactly is this?" His heart was pounding at the possibility that this might be something more. Something made his relationship with Shindo Hikaru even more special. _But….that's not…_

"I…I have no idea," Hikaru replied, looking away from him for a moment. A pit in his stomach formed. "But…I believe if Torajiro existed for Sai, and Sai existed for me, then I must exist for Akira. So…it can be whatever you want it to be."

Akira's face flushed bright red as he stared back at Hikaru. The boy was finding the floor fascinating again, "Ah," Akira stated nervously, then gave a smile, "sure I'll go."

"Really!" Hikaru's face lit up, only for him to barrel into the other boy in a bear hug.

Akira yipped in surprise as their bodies collided in an embrace.

"Thank you, I can't wait to tell the club," he stated with a smile, "They'll finally get to meet you."

"You told them about…me?"

"Well, Weekly Go was talking about our rivalry and they were asking a lot of questions. So naturally, I told them that I would bring you around something. I was meaning to ask you for some time actually." Hikaru sat on top of lap like it was the most natural position in the world. Akira's face was bright red as he pushed the other boy off.

"Hey, what did you do that for?" Hikaru snapped turning angry.

"Hikaru…I…I should be going," Akira coughed nervously, "it's getting late." He was panicing again, he didn't have control of his body. He needed to leave.

"Oh ok, I should be around the institute next week," Hikaru hovered around the door, their faces were rather close.

"Hai," Akira paused only to nervously laugh and wave, "Good night, Hikaru." Suddenly, his wrist was once more captive in Hikaru's hand and briefly their lips met.

"Good night, Akira."

Then the door slammed, leaving Akira once again blinking and walking around in a daze. Hesitantly, he left, glancing back at the door wanting to go back to his rival. _I I definitely paniced…He's probably wondering why I'm acting like such a school girl. I defiantly have butterflies in my stomach_, he mused as he headed towards the subway station. It wasn't until he got off at his stop did something seem rather off with the evening's events. Then the freight train hit him, hard. Touya stopped in mid step. Eyes popping out of his head as he whirled around to an invisible Shindo Hikaru. "Who the heck is Torajiro?!"

To be continued….

WR: Well, I think I should add one of my hobbies torturing Touya….hahahaha

A: evil woman.

WR: AW, I'm not evil…..ignores the protest going on outside. Thanks for the reviews guys! I'll try to keep up with this fic to finish before May but I'm not making any promises cause I have lots of work to get done. But I'll try when I can. Let me know what you think. See ya! (plucks up Aya and skips away)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go….I never will…I have yet to accept this

Waiting for May

Chapter 3

For the remainder of the week, Akira's nerves were a complete wreck. Since he returned to his home, he was constantly wondering who Tourijrou was. It was worse than trying to figure out who Sai was. He had an idea who Sai was, or at least what he was. There had never been a clue of what Tourijirou was, except it had to be connected with Go. By the end of the first evening, instead of studying for the major tournaments coming up, he had spent hours hunting for anything. He was going through the phone book in the lobby of the Go Institute on Tuesday evening when Waya came up to him. The redhead sat across from him, leaning forward slightly, Akira lifted an eyebrow at this.

"You talked to him."

The statement hung in the air over the two. Akira slowly sighed, closing the phone book. "Hai," The teenager paused and tried to brave out the question, "You don't by chance know who a Tourijirou is?"

"Tourijirou?" Waya asked rather surprised. The redhead paused for a moment, "No, I've never head of him before. Why?"

"Oh nothing," Akira asked, "I'm just trying figure something out."

"If you're trying to figure Shindo's past out, you'll get a headache with a worse cliff hanger than Harry Potter." Waya slumped against the back of the chair. "I will never truly understand where he came from and at times I'm content with not knowing." He paused for a moment in thought, "as long as Shindo doesn't stop playing Go, its fine."

Akira became quiet, remembering the time when Shindo had stopped playing and left the Go world. Heavily, he sighed shaking his head, his heart was clenching in pain again. It was becoming a familiar feeling. "I hope that day never comes again." He whispered.

"You're not the only one," Waya stated with a growl, "believe it or not, I will never let Shindo quit Go ever. There are lots of people who care about Shindo, not just you. In fact, Isumi was the one who brought him back."

"Isumi?" Akira's head snapped up at that. "How?"

Waya blinked and then smirked at the other teenager. "What the great stalker rival of Shindo Hikaru doesn't know that Isumi brought him back to the living world of Go?"

"WAYA!" a protest from other entrance was heard. Both teenagers turned to see the familiar tall brunette walking towards them. "Gomen nasi Touya, I should have taught him more manners." Waya stood up and glared at the approaching boy, for a moment Touya thought he could see a look of admiration and something more.

"Taught me manners, who are you? My mother?" Waya shouted in protest.

Akira blinked and then chuckled, "Its fine, he hasn't insulted me. We were just talking about the past."

"Hey! I'm not your friend remember that!" Waya snapped, "When you say talking about the past, you make sound like we're old men." The redhead turned to the taller boy, "Touya didn't know that you brought Shindo back when he was in his newbie slump."

"Waya," Isumi scolded, "It's not nice to talk about Shindo behind his back."

"Hey, he's the one with all the questions," Waya indicated the boy with long green hair and dark eyes. "I was being nice! I actually talked to the guy!"

"You were being nice?" Isumi stated in surprise. "Is the world coming to an end?"

"Hey! I can be nice, he was looking so pathetic, I had to clue him in," Waya stated. Isumi instantly placed the back of his hand on the short redhead's forehead. "I'm not sick!" Waya swatted the hand away, Isumi blinked and then laughed, running his hand through red strains.

"Of course, of course," Isumi chuckled as Waya continued to fume.

While the pair had their normal interaction, the pit in Akira's stomach returned. Hesitantly, he stood up from his coach, and the pair turned back to him. "Isumi-san, is true that Shindo came back because of you? He came back for you?"

"Shindo left?" Isumi blinked. Waya smacked the taller boy on the head and gave him a knowing look. Isumi blinked again and then became serious for a moment. "Oh, that time, I see. Touya-san, Shindo did not return because of me." Akira was not convinced, this was a story he had never heard and he was feeling even more lost. Isumi sighed he looked around the Institute, "Let's go somewhere more private." The group settled in a room and Akira and Waya took a chair. Isumi double checked the door and closed it "I really don't want Amano-san to over hear this. Shindo didn't swear me to secrecy of anything like that but, it's very personal and Shindo's reasons are Shindo's reason."

"The trees have ears, eh?" Waya muttered with a growl.

Akira nodded in understanding, glancing at Waya. The redhead just shrugged but threw the other pro a threatening look. Akira just shrugged, the look was not of rivalry, Waya just looked concerned for his friend.

Pulling up a chair, Isumi began, "When I came back from China right before the pro-exam three years ago, I needed to play Shindo in order to move on from my past mistakes. However, at that time, Shindo had stopped playing. When I went to his house, he wasn't at home. I found his goban was covered in dust. At the time he was…not himself." The tall boy paused, "it took me a while, but I finally convinced him to play a game. Halfway through the game, he said, "So he was here. He was here all along."" Isumi paused, "I still don't fully understand the significance of it. Then he told me, "I'm going to play Go. I'm going to play thousands of games. I'll never stop playing Go again." We finished the game and then I took my exam and pasted."

"Did he ever say who?" Akira paused.

"I don't know who Shindo was referring to," Isumi shook his head. "Waya seems convinced that it's Sai, but I'm not going to ask Shindo. He has his reasons and he is still with us."

Akira nodded, solemnly looking at his hands. _So that's the story, I didn't know about Hikaru. How many more stories do I not know? How can I think that I love him when I barely know him? I don't deserve his trust? ARGH! He's being stupid…stupid and so Hikaru damn it. _ Suddenly, there was sharp stab in his stomach, he jumped in shock. Waya muttered, "It doesn't matter if you knew this or not. Shindo sees you as his one and only rival. No one will be able to replace you. I'm sure that you and Shindo have moments that you haven't shared with anyone too." With that the redhead grabbed Isumi's hand and they headed towards the door. "We'll be going now." Akira blinked, snapping back into reality, Waya turned to back to the other teenager. "Just so you know, I still don't like you."

"WAYA!" Isumi shouted in horror.

"You don't like me?" Akira blinked, "I'm sorry, I never knew."

Waya stared at the other boy. Isumi burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. Waya smacked the taller boy on top of his head. With two large steps, the redhead was standing in front of Akira, as if inspecting him, "Figures that you and Shindo are rivals, you deserve each other. You're both oblivious to everyone but each other." With that the redhead and brunette left with the slamming door, Isumi's scolding voice could be heard disappearing down the hall.

Touya sat back down, the redhead's words ringing through his head. _"It doesn't matter if you knew this or not. Shindo sees you as his one and only rival. No one will be able to replace you." _Akira felt his face becoming hot at remembering Hikaru's younger self. A short scowling child wearing a yellow t-shirt with the number five on it stood in front of him. The boy's higher pitch voice echoed through his soul firmly shouting to the street and him_. "If your too busy chasing my ghost, the real me will pass you one day." What did you mean back then, Hikaru…what ghost?_ Akira groaned, and rubbed his forehead, he could feel the familiar Shindo induced headache coming on. He glanced at the clock, he if he had just enough time for getting home and cooking dinner. Furiously, he shook his head, green strains whishing back and forth.With a sigh, he stood up and headed towards the station,_ I will get to the bottom of this, no matter what._

XXXXXXX

On Wednesday, Shindo Hikaru arrived early to help set up. The tournament was to be located in the Haze Gym with various tables set up. Some of the younger members were still setting up boards and gobans. He was busy giving last minute suggestions to the young players. There was going to be a junior varsity and senior varsity joint team tournament, each school would have three boards. Luckily, the club had twelve members so both the girls and boys would be represented.

Akari was playing the second seat girl, Kaneko in a few warm up exercises. Hikaru smiled proudly, he had been giving lessons to the high school club for free since Akari had approached him at the end of February last year. The team had been doing ok, but Akari just wanted to beat Kaio once.She had been very determined at keeping the Go club alive. From their frist year, Akari and Kaneko devised a plan to keep the remains of the original Junior High Haze Go club alive. Since Kaneko was dating Mitani, she easily dragged him around on a short leash to all of the club's ranking matches. Luckily, for Akari, the rest of the members were more willing.

"Are you nervous?" Hikaru asked Akari.

"A little," she sighed placing a stone, "but I'm more excited than nervous."

"Keep your head cool, first board," Kaneko replied, her eyes not leaving the board. "Hey Shindo, when is Touya gonna get here?"

"Oh I told him to come in a half hour," Hikaru laughed nervously. "I wanted to give you guys some more advice."

"In other words, you would have been distracted," Mitani shrugged. Hikaru blush bright red, remaining silent for once.

"That is true, you barely noticed I was still standing there the other day," Akari giggled.

"So that's the latest word for lover now, eh Yuki-kun?" Kaneko muttered only for the hot head boy to sputter and fumble forward in his seat. Akari continued to giggle while Hikaru glared at the girl's captain.

"Shut up, you distraction…."Mitani growled, Kaneko smirked.

"I'm distracting? Who's making all that noise on the other side of the gym?" the young woman smirked with a shrug. "I think we're ready, Akari."

"Hai, let's do our best this year!" the young team captain smiled.

"Hai," the team chorused, Shindo smiled. He was proud that he could instruct a whole high school team so well. _Maybe, I'll sign up with the school next year and become their official coach. I'm sure they could use the help._

Suddenly, the sound of foot steps could be heard. The joyous shout of the club quickly faded away and in marched the other coaches and the opposing teams. Then the gym turned into high tension. Younger students were looking at each other nervously. Hikaru glanced at the varisty teams for the girls and boys, and smirked. _Yup, they are defiantly ready. _Hikaru smirked and flashed a smile as he let Akari take over for the introductions. As he watched from the side lines he smiled, _Yes, I should defiantly, do this next year. It will keep the team alive. I think the younger members would like to see a familiar face as well. _

"Shindo," a familiar voice echoed through the gym. Hikaru turned sure enough there was Akira standing at the entrance looking rather lost. The young man had his familiar suit and tie on, a blue jacket with the buttons undone A few girls from his team giggled and whispered to each other as he walked over.

"Akira!" he smiled. He stopped half way in a hug motion. His heart stopped when he realized they were still in public and he had no ideas how Akira felt about portraying relationship affection. _Are we even in a relationship? ARGH! Damn it, I've screwed it up._ However, Akira didn't flinch or even waver as he presented his rival a smile and extended his hand. Dumbly, Hikaru took the hand. A shock ran through his nervous system, he looked up and locked with intense green eyes. _Akira…how…wow…_

"It's good to see you again, Hikaru-kun," Akira gave him a pleasant smile and his hand was released.

"Ah…"Hikaru's mouth hung open like a fish who had jumped out of his bowl only to land right in the kitten's mouth. "Oh before I forgot to ask you, but could you please help us with the judging? We're a little short on people."

"Sure," Akira stated, "If they don't mind."

"Thanks," Shindo stated, "Did you have any problems finding the place?"

"None at all," Akira smiled, "Ichikawa-san gave me the directions."

"What!" Hikaru shouted in shock. "Why didn't you just use the ones I gave you?"

"Because then I would have been on time for the final round!" Akira replied. Hikaru glared and pouted, muttering something incoherent under his breathe. Akira chuckled in triumph, only to be whipped around and lead by Hikaru towards the judging registration table. The pair never noticed the whispers from the other coaches or the awe from the high school students.

XXXX

The tournament was long and hard on Hikaru's nerves. The judges had forced him to sign as the official coach of the Haze High School Go club. According to them, he had too many connections to Haze to remain neutral. Now, that he was chatting away with Akari, he actually didn't mind. _But it's still weird. I'm the same age that they are, yet I'm their coach._ Every now and then he would feel intense dark eyes boring into his back as one of his students made any type of a move. It didn't matter if it was a good move or a bad move. Touya Akira was glaring daggers and they kept hitting the only target.

"He's staring again isn't he," Hikaru muttered sourly.

"Of course he is," Akari replied calmly, "You invite him on a date, here of all places. Then force him to become a judge. Honestly, were you thinking Hikaru?"

"I have no idea," Shindo laid his head on one of the side tables. Akari's all too familiar giggle rang through his ears. "You should be worrying about the final match, not my love life, Fujisaki-chan. You're turning into a teeny bopper."

"Now, now Shindo-sensei," she joked. "I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. I think I earned the right to gloat." Shindo just huffed and stalked off, trying to focus on being encouraging to those who had lost.

Akira sighed with relief as the final judges for the final round would be determined. Luckily, he had been spared and was now free from the confines of Go. _Who am I kidding, that was fun. Though, I would rather be playing Hikaru. But still, we have our moments, maybe I should ask him to a game afterwards. _He chuckled to himself as he watched Shindo hand in the final line up to the Haze vs Kaio match. _Looks like __Fujisaki-chan was about to get her wish. Hikaru looks like he's about to blow a fuse with the coach from Sakura, _he mused. He was sitting by himself, watching people. The students had been full of energy and the entire experience was brining back to the Hokuto Cup when Hikaru, Yashiro and him played Korea. The games Shindo had played were exception and something you had to watch from the beginning otherwise you would miss something tiny, discrete, and deadly.

The tournament brought back memories of when they had played third board in Junior high. Shindo's shocked expression staring at him in confusion as he played sloppy moves that had little meaning. His heart had been filled with such disappointment. The pervious two games had been so promising and so above him. The third game was completely different, his dream ripped at the seams. Akira sighed shaking his head, _maybe the third game was a way of saying, this is what I am now, and the first two games are what I would become. That makes no sense at all. Perhaps, Hikaru had been in a dream in the first two games only to really wake up. It's not unusual for super heroes to first have their powers unconsciously use them only for them to be stripped and start from the beginning. Maybe that's what happened with Hikaru's go. _Akira groaned, he was feeling another headache coming on.

Suddenly, his cheek felt cold and he jumped back into reality. He yipped, jumping out of his seat, and landing awkwardly almost tipping over the chair. Shindo's laughter resounded through his ears as he turned and saw the laughing teenager. "It's not a snake, Akira." He presented him a cold ice tea, skeptically; Akira accepted it, opening the can with a pop.

"Could have had me fooled," Akira muttered sourly. Shindo sat down next to him with a soda in hands. There was an easy silence as they watched the crowd start to set up for the final round.

"Thanks for coming," Hikaru stated with a smile. Akira didn't turn to him, watching his rival from the corner of his eye. "It's a great thing isn't? Everyone is having a really good time."

"You seem to be having fun," Akira replied taking a sip.

"You sound resentful," Hikaru stated sadly. "Gomen nasi."

"Don't apologize," Akira stated, "I've never been very good around people. But you, everyone just comes running to. Besides," he paused for a moment turning away from his rival, his voice lowering to a whisper, "it's been the first time in a while that you actually seem happy."

"Eh? What did you say, I didn't hear you?" Hikaru asked turning towards his rival.

"SHINDO-SENSEI!" Mitani's loud voice rang through the gym causing the two to jump. Akira caught sight of a blush as Hikaru fell out of his seat from shock and ran off towards his adoring students. The blonde bang teenager never realized that his rival was smirking and chuckling under his breathes.

For a moment, Touya's memory came back and a deep blush made him feel hot again. Waya's words from earlier that day rang through his mind. _"Figures that you and Shindo are rivals, you deserve each other. You're both oblivious to everyone but each other."_ He smirked and walked over to the final tournament table. _Yes, I would have to say, we are oblivious to everyone but each other. And I don't want it any other way._ From across the table, Shindo's smile radiated, making Touya unaware that he too was smiling as he did a long time ago.

To be continued

WR: Wow, I'm very proud. . happy b-day to be…ok so I'm a half hour late but still I wanted to get another chapter up while I still have time. I hope you guys don't mind the side track. And I'm sorry but I'll have no idea when the next time I'll up date.

A: you're stalling again

WR: oh go do something else.

A: with pleasure

WR: WAIT AYA….I was kidding….wails and runs after crazy adorable killer redhead.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own Hikaru no go

Chapter 4

"You're not paying for me," Akira shouted snatching back the money.

"I am too, you're my date!" Hikaru grumbled slamming down the money. The lady at the counter smiled nervously. "Besides you've been dragged to a Go Tournament for high school. You shouldn't be paying. Akari would have my head."

"What does Akari-san have to with you paying for me?"

"Because he lost a bet," a familiar voice came from behind them. The two boys jumped sky high.

"Kaneko! What are you doing here? You should be home with Mitani!" HIkaru shouted.

"I'm waiting for the lazy bum," she replied in a flat tone. Intense brown eyes glaring at the pro and coach. "We're on a date for two minutes and he's still not here."

"It's not my fault," Mitani grumbled strolling up with hands in his school uniform pocket, "Subway was packed." He recognized the two boys and grumbled, "What are they doing here?" His girlfriend gave him a look. "No! We are so not going to see the same ones that they are. I am not…"

"Then you're not getting any," came a reply as she stepped up to the window and paid for two tickets. "Here you go Akira."

"A..Arigatou, Kaneko-san" he smiled nervously.

"Don't mention it. Come on, let's get some good seats in the back," she stated with a smile.

"Demo," Akira looked back at Hikaru who's face was red as a tomato. Mitani's face matched his hair perfectly.

"NANI!" both Hikaru and Mitani shouted.

"You guys whine way too much, the movie starts in two minutes," she stated mattered of factly, dragging Akira from the two towards the entrance.

Hikaru and Mitani looked at each other. Mitani shrugged as Hikaru slammed down his hand with money demanding to see the same movie. Mitani wrenched his sensei's arm suddenly.

"What did you do that for?" Mitani gave him a knowing look. "No way! I'm not paying for you! Don't you have a job?" Mitani's glare did not flater, as he motioned towards the girl and his now disappearing boyfriend. Hikaru grumbled numerous curses under his breathe, "I can't believe I'm doing this." He slammed his ticket into Mitani's hand and ran after Touya who was looking very confused.

Hikaru was trying to pry Kaneko off his Akira. Why was she sitting so close to him? Couldn't she and Mitani sit on the other side of the theatre? He sighed, leaning his cheek on his hand. But it wasn't going badly, every time a nerve racking part came he would watch out of the corner of his eye. The movie was complete crap compared to the person next to him. Akira would gasp or his mouth drop just a few millimeters. Hikaru was very grateful that the theater was dark and everyone was absorbed by the surround sound. He couldn't stop staring at Akira. Akira turned his way and whispered something but he just nodded dumbly.

"Hikaru," Akira hissed, "I asked if something was wrong, do you want another movie?"

"No nothing's wrong, why?" he asked in a protesting whisper, waving his hands around. He could feel a blush on his cheeks.

"You keep staring," Kaneko muttered flatly, Mitani looked his girlfriend, flashing a know it all smirk. Hikaru never wanted to strangle someone as badly as he did now. He muttered sourly to himself and slouched in his chair. Attention on the movie.

Turns out the movie were actually more supernatural than horror. He shivered as the spirit attempted to contact its relative. The spirit was screaming for anyone to listen, just listen to him. Deep in Hikaru's heart, he felt nothing and so much pain at once. It hit him hard, he just remembered the specific reason he didn't want to see this movie. This movie reminded him of Sai. It hurt. It kept hurting. It just wouldn't stop, he was so sick of being alone. He wanted Sai to come back but he was never coming back. It hurt so much. He whimpered to himself, praying that the surrounding sound would drown it out.

A gentle brush of fingers along his arm, he jumped and screamed at a murder scene. Appropriate timing, no one would know. Sai is gone. The same statement for three years echoed in his mind. There was no one but him. Then the fingers intertwined gently his hands, they were hands with calluses from the stones. Warm and slightly tough gentle skin.

"I'm having a great time, we should do this again," Akira's voice brought him completely out of his inner musings. Hikaru turned, jaw dropped, Akira was whispering in his ear, hot breathe tickling his senses. He swallowed hard, he didn't deserve this feeling of happiness. He was spoiled, he was selfish, he didn't deserve anything. He nodded and smiled in turn, Akira was beaming. He was so grateful that the theater was dark. No one could see. No one would know. Especially, the person he didn't want to see him like this. He muttered, "I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back." He rushed out of the theater and walked out of the building.

Akira didn't know what made him worry, but when he heard Hikaru scream. He felt a little unsure, something was off. He didn't understand but he knew. He tried to reassure his friend, no his boyfriend, he could accept their relationship. His life was finally falling into place, whatever they were doing just felt right. He trusted Hikaru, he would tell him when he was ready. For what he had no clue.

Then Hikaru bolted, he muttered something about the bathroom. Akira had an inkling that he wasn't coming back. Two minutes later, Akira was looking around the restrooms. The lobby uneasily silent, it had a bad feeling. Very bad feeling, like he just missed something essential. The hallways were completely empty minus the wallpaper staff with tacky outfits. He pushed in the men's bathroom looking down, he shouted, "Hello?" There was no response except for a dripping facet. Shindo Hikaru was gone.

Akira walked out into the lobby once more, looking around. His heart thundering in his ears, then he looked up through the glass. There on a bench outside, was a boy sitting with bleach bang and suit. The figure was leaning forward, hands in his face, ignoring the glances from the passersby. The boy was crying his eyes out. Akira's dark green eyes widen and he didn't realize that he was running. Akira ran hard. Not bothering to look for oncoming cars or the change in the light, until a horn blared and he was on the other side of the street.

"Hi…Hikaru?" he whispered, his mouth was dry.

"Akira," his rival hiccupped and then coward backwards like he had wounded him.

Akira's entire body froze, then gently he stepped forward watching every moment. His arms were open as he sat down next to his rival. Gently, he smiled, as Hikaru rubbed his eyes tried to get over whatever was bothering him. "It's ok, I guess I should understand that you really meant you didn't want to see that movie. I should have listened."

"No it's not…"Hikaru protested only to be cut off by a harsh glare.

"Gomen nasi," Akira gently took Hikaru's hand, calmly rubbing the top of his knuckles. "Demo if something is really bothering you, you shouldn't bottle it up. I want to help you. I want to be with you." He stared intently into those foggy green eyes.

"I know," Hikaru stared intently back, "But…"

"Nani?" Akira asked.

"Gomen nasi, I'm not much of a date," Hikaru pulled his hand away, blush on his tear stained cheeks. "I've been dragging you across Tokyo when you would probably be doing something else. Also, the entire time has been with my friends backing me up so that must really be awkward for you."

"You're friends are nice, Hikaru," Akira replied in a matter of fact tone.

"Demo," Hikaru bleach bangs covered his eyes. "I should have asked you what you wanted." Then his eyes started to water up, "And now I've botched up the entire day. I acted like a spoil brat. God, I'm such a girl." He covered his face with his hands.

"Yes, you are," Akira replied.

Hikaru's jaw just dropped, Akira blinked. The index finger pointed at Akira only causing him to blink again. "You…You…I can't believe…Wow…you're mean."

"Sometimes the truth hurts, Hikaru," Akira sighs, cracking a smile. "But you set yourself up for that one."

Hikaru laughed nervously, "Yeah, I guess I did." Akira watched as a metamorphosis of expressions flooded over Hikaru's face. It started as a crack of a smirk, cascading into a full fledged grin for a moment. Then he suddenly burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard tears were once again creeping out the corners of his eyes. Hikaru was gasping for breathing. Akira stared as the teenager with bleach blonde bangs was howling with laughter. His heart paced quicker, it was a beautiful sight. The laughter was loud and soulful. His smile was large and voice was lightly deep and joyful. Perhaps that's what drew Akira to Hikaru, he had so much inside of him. All it needed was something to bring it out. Akira chuckled to himself as the two of them sat side by side laughing for no particular reason at all.

WR: Yes, I know that this chapter is slightly shorter than the others. Also its a lot lighter than the previous ones. It's just a transition chapter and I'm already working on Chapters 5 and 6, we'll see how those are going later. I hoped you enjoyed and please review! Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own Hikaru no Go

WR: First off, I would like to thank everyone that has reviewed. I'm glad people are enjoying the story as much as I enjoy writing. . So here's another treat I know aren't you shocked!

Chapter 5

It was a few days after the date and Touya Akira was still walking on cloud nine. Softly he hummed an unwritten tune as he entered his father's Go Salon and greeted Ichikawa-san with a smile. She smiled as usual indicating that his students were not present yet. He nodded and headed over, keeping his eyes on the clock. Hikaru was coming today and he couldn't wait.

In a daze, Akira sat back trying to look like he was going through an old game. However, if anyone was really looking at the pattern, they would have seen it made no sense on either side. His mind kept wandering to the end of their date, after Hikaru had walked him home. His parents had returned to China, the house had been empty, and no one had overhead the conversation between the two now dating rivals.

"Arigatou Hikaru, you didn't have to walk me home."

Hikaru shuffled his feet muttering again, "Are you kidding me? I wanted to, it's no trouble, stop making such a big deal."

"Not to mention, Akari-chan would have killed you," Akira chuckled, smiling as their fingers laced. Hikaru's face became red again as he glared.

"You have no idea how scary she can be," Hikaru replied, looking back with intense green eyes which switched into worry. "Are you sure you'll be ok by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm use to it," Akira gave it with a smile, "I like the quiet."

"Never would have guessed that," Hikaru smirked, taking a step forward, the blush on his cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. For a moment, Akira swore his lips were a darker red than he remembered. "Um…Akira," Hikaru pulled him a little bit close, they were standing toe to toe.

"H…Hai," Akira blinked to stare back, his lips went dry. They were so close, and he just felt so content with everything.

"Akira….I know it must be really hard for you but I promise, I'll tell you, when its time," Hikaru stated calmly, they held hands. The warmth from Hikaru's hands was comforting in the brisk breeze. "I just need you to be more patient with me. Gomen nasi, I need a little bit more time to figure out everything. But when I get everything together, it will be clear. It's just." Hikaru used his other hand to rub the back of his head, he looked like he was already lost.

"It's fine, I understand," Akira smiled, his eyes holding kindness and patience. "Besides, don't think I would let you walk away from our agreement. I won't go easy on you at our next match." Before he could finish his point, Hikaru engulfed him in a bear hug, knocking the rest of his breathe out of his lungs. The only sound that came out was, "Hikaru."

Hikaru made a rumble in his throat sounding similar to a purr. Tightly, Akira held onto the only person that mattered right now. Hot breathe on his neck made his heart race and breathing hitch. Gently, he pulled his arms around Hikaru's back and just held the other teenager. They stood like that, right by his front door, the porch light and near spring time stars were their only light.

"Arigatou Akira," Hikaru whispered into his neck. "Promise me that even if this doesn't work out, no matter what we'll always be friends."

Akira couldn't help but smile and lean his head against Hikaru's. He could smell the citrus scent from Hikaru's hair, who would have guessed he used that shampoo. Hikaru's hair was soft and comfortable, Akira's grip tightened.

"Hai, of course, Hikaru."

"Touya-sensei?"

Akira jumped out of his daydream, scattering the stones on the board. The student profusely apologizes only for Akira to protest and clean up the board. When he began the lesson he was trying the entire time to ignore the clock on the wall or the fact that his student was still present. Hikaru was coming, just wait and be patient, he thought to himself.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Hikaru walked in and sat down across from Akira, the other boy was not faltering at all. He had his air of confidence and game face on, Akira couldn't be happier. He was dressed in his usual outfits, green eyes were slighter intense. But there was the smile, Akira's heart beat increased and he fought the blush on his cheeks.

"Hikaru, you're on time," Akira made note of the time.

"Yeah, trains were early this time," Hikaru stated with a smile as he took a seat. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Akira stated, quickly shuffling the stones, "Do you want to play a game?"

"Ok," Hikaru smiled brightly, "Would you like to go out for ice cream with me?"

"Sure," Akira stated his blush was darkening and Hikaru's grin broadened. "But I'm paying."

"Only if you beat me," Hikaru chuckled and nigiri, the stones hitting the wooden surface and scattering across.

XXXXXXX

Hikaru leaned slightly forward on the railing for the people walker. The busy street rushing by, he just watched the cars going by. He wanted to scream in frustration but his vocal cords were not working. Akira had gone to buy the ice cream, it was the beginning of March officially and he was right back to where he had started in January. Touya Akira had destroyed him. Hikaru remained quiet noticing there were now puddles on the ground, ice would have been there a few weeks ago.

"Hikaru!" Akira smiled as he handed him a red colored ice cream, "Gomen nasi but they were all out of peach. I hope you like raspberry."

"Ah, no worries, its fine," he smiled as Akira took his place next to him. Hikaru hastily began eating, "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry," Akira replied looking out towards the road with the cars flying by. "So why the ice cream in March?"

"Dunno, just had a craving," Hikaru stated calmly, he wasn't meeting Akira's eyes. A slight blush appeared on his cheeks, hopefully the coolness of the weather would be able to fool his boyfriend.

"I see," Akira replied calmly. An uneasy silence echoed between the two of them. The wind howled and few cars honked, "Hikaru…"

"Nani?"

"Gomen," Akira stated.

"Akira, for once let's not talk about Go," Hikaru muttered sourly. "I know I made stupid mistakes, I shouldn't have. I got over confident and lost, I'll learn from my mistakes."

Akira's eyebrow twitched and then he couldn't help himself as his hand smacked Hikaru upside the head.

"Hey! What the hell Akira,"

"That's not what I was going to say," Akira muttered sourly.

"Oh," Hikaru stated with a blush, "Then what?"

"I just wanted to say gomen about…."Akira sighed, shaking his head. Long black hair with the reflecting green twirled around his head. "I…I told you I wanted to help you but this doesn't seem to be working. Perhaps, this is not the way, maybe we should try something else."

"So we are going to talk about this," Hikaru whispered to himself softly. Through blonde bangs Hikaru could clearly see Akira's expression was filled with worry. With a heavy sigh he twirled back so he was leaning against the rail, back the street. "When I thought about how I was going to tell you. I tried many different schemes but they always came back to this one. I don't know why, I don't know how. It's just….Akira, about Sai…its very complicated and he deserves the best. He really does. I don't want you to hate me. I feel like I messed up everything. This is the only way I can reconcile with him."

"Sai is an exceptional Go player and I'm sure he is an exceptional person as well. Why would I hate you? You're my rival," Akira stated, "Yes, I get frustrated with you but I could never hate you, Hikaru." Akira gently took Hikaru's hand, making the other teenager turn to him. A smile flashed upon his face, "It must be difficult for you to be keeping this a secret but you made me promise. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want or are not ready for. I also, I would like to take that trip with you, no matter what."

"No matter what?" Hikaru's bright green eyes locked onto his. Akira again forgot how to breathe, "But…I still…I need to prove that I can do this."

Akira became silent, and wanted to argue with Hikaru. He really did, he wanted to shout, _You have already beaten me a thousand times over._ _You pulurized me the second game. _Then something clicked. He remembered something Hikaru had said many years ago, when they were still in school. When they were so far apart.

"_If your too busy chasing my ghost, the real me will catch up with you one day."_

Akira swallowed hard and smiled, placing his hand in Hikaru's gently. "Fine, if that's what you really think will explain everything. That's ok. I can understand."

"Really?" Hikaru's eyes were about to water, Akira felt his blush return full force.

"H…Hai," Akira stated.

Hikaru's smile brightened as he said, "I'm so glad you really understand." Tears were beginning to leak out of the corners of his eyes. Then Hikaru engulfed Akira in a bear hug, Akira yelped in surprise as raspberry ice cream splattered onto the back of his jacket and dripped down his back.

"HIKARU!"

"Oops." Hikaru realized and apologized. Akira smacked him again on the head, dumping his ice cream ontop of Hikaru. "HEY! I didn't do it on purpose."

"tough break," Akira growled, taking off his jacket, "You're just lucky you didn't get it on the sweater."

"Oh heaven forbide, not the sweater, anything but the sweater," Hikaru mocked, Akira held his fist threatenly. Hikaru eeped and took the jacket, inspecting it.

"Well, I don't think its going to stain," Hikaru stated.

"Don't touch it!" Akira screeched only for Hikaru to give him a mature look. Akira almost fainted.

"I'll pay for it," Hikaru stated calmly, suddenly pulling a charming smile.

"Demo…"Akira muttered.

"It's my fault Akira," Hikaru stated leaning forward, just close enough to breathe on him. Akira swallowed again and surrendered.

"Ok."

"Great!" Hikaru smiled and leaned forward all the way. It was a peck of a kiss sending a blush that spread like wild fire across Akira's cheeks. He toppled backwards teetering on his feet as he tried to regain his balance.

"You thief!"

XXXXX

Hikaru quietly stood watching the buildings rush past on the train. His body felt tired, keeping everything together was starting to take its toll. He felt worn down, beaten, and he had lost. His heart ached and the tears were threatened to come out. He sniffled trying to pretend he had allergies. Everyday since Sai had disappeared without a word he had felt like he lost his better half. Before that day in May, he had been so naïve and didn't listen, wouldn't take the clues. Yes, he had been young but it didn't matter, he had to keep going forward in the Go world, because it was the only time he really got to see Sai. However, he needed to get to that level where Sai was, Sai had shown Akira. Only Akira could judge him if he was at that level.

He thought back to New Years when he had come to the decision. Sai had first relieved his full potential to Akira, only Akira could truly understand. If he was just able to defeat Akira once, then he could really walk side by side him as a rival and a man. Touya Akira had always been an infatuation but now he was absolutely necessary. If he was ever going to move forward, he needed to accept. His breathing hitched and a single tear leaked out of the corner of his eye. A reflection of him stood alone on a crowded train. The tear fell to the floor, lost in the noise of the outside world. He took a deep breathe a forced a smile upon the reflection.

The doors opened and Hikaru walked out at his stop, quickly and easily blending in with the rest of the people. He looked like a buisness man coming home to the dry cleaner as he dropped off Akira's jacket. Then Hikaru headed back to his apartment, calmly unlocked the door. The latch caught. His body hit the ground hard, leaning his back against the door. He clutched his knees, leaning his forehead on the fabric them. As soon as the second tear fell from his other eye and his vision blurred.

Shindo Hikaru was lost to the flood.

_I_

Sai was never coming back.

_want_

Sai was gone.

_to_

Sai was gone for good.

_play_

And it was his fault.

_Go._

WR:Don't worry I won't leave you hanging for too long. . hope you are all enjoying your summer.


	6. Chapter 6

WR: Hope you enjoy . hehe Thanks for the reviews and I don't own Hikaru no Go.

Chapter 6

The apartment was empty and dark. A strange sensation ran through his body as sleep moved away. Hikaru lazily looked about, he was lying on the ground, the sun had gone down hours ago. His stomach grumbled but he was too tired to stand up and make dinner. He just sat with the crick in his neck hurting his back and making his vision blur.

I want to play Go.

HIkaru was lying on his side, facing the wall in his apartment. He didn't remember crawling into bed with his pajamas. He had passed out from exhaustion again, third time that week. He sniffled, rubbing his already red eyes. Slothfully he clutches his pillow to his sticky cheek he sighed staring into the darkness. The lights glowed on the wall from the street even with the curtains close he couldn't tell. A pale blue curtains his mother had insisted he get to give the apartment the homey feeling. Curtains that he would have liked in his old room, he stared at the Goban sitting in the corner. His pale green eyes couldn't focus with the tears that were flowing out of the corners.

I want to play with Sai.

His usual Goban was in the living room. This other particular came from his grandfather's attic. It was a Goban he had never had the courage to play on. He couldn't play on it when he was younger because of the blood stains in the upper right corner. Which was perfectly localical, it was personal to Sai and the blood stains were distracting. Tourijarou's blood stains on the ancient wood that had splattered onto black lines had created a chaotic patter. Hikaru sniffled. He didn't have the courage to stare at the Goban anymore, the stains were gone. He would have done anything to see the blood stains, just a speck of blood. That would mean, another tear came out and he swallowed back a groan. Sai had come back. Sai had never left him alone. Sai could play Go with him.

I WANT TO PLAY SAI!

XXXXX

Waya grumbled as he watched a dazed Hikaru poke at his ramen with a pair of chopsticks. He wasn't out right staring; no it was out of the corner of his eye. He glanced at Izumi, the taller teenager eyes' met his and their expressions mirrored each other. Hikaru was being quiet, something was wrong.

"I hear that the tournament this year should be really good," Waya stated with a smile, "I bet I'll be able to beat Touya Akira this year!"

Hikaru's chopsticks clattered to the table. Waya gulped as Hikaru gave him one of the darkest scariest glares he had to receive his life. If looks could kill he would have been dead two years before he was born. Izumi covered his mouth with his hand watching the two. Hikaru just stood up and muttered an apology, putting his money on the table and walked out.

"Waya! What were you thinking?"

"How was I to know that he was going to act like that?" Waya stated in shock, "I thought he was zoning out. He should have just jumped up and argued. He…just left. Holy Crap! He just left. Is he sick? He barely touched his ramen. It's gone cold. Cold Izumi-san! Hell is freezing over when Shindou doesn't finish his Ramen." Waya's face paled, he paused in realization "It's the apocalypse. The end is coming. We are all doomed!" He was waving his hands around frantically, eyes wide in fright.

Isumi just sighed shaking his head, "The end is not coming Waya. I think that it's just that time of year for Shindou."

"You mean," Waya stopped his frightened movement. "But it's only March, he usually gets depressed around May. It onlyt lasts a few days. He's usually fine."

"I know, Waya, that's the scary thing," Isumi added, "its only March."

"Have you talked to Touya?" Waya growled, "I swear if that jerk does anything…I'll…."

"Waya," Isumi cut him off, "Drop it, this is Shindou's problem. He will tell us when he's ready."

"Demo," Waya whined only for Isumi to glare at him. "Fine, demo, I still think that Touya has something to do with it."

"That may be true," Isumi sighed, "demo, if that's the case then I have a feeling only Touya can fix this."

"God, of all the people, Shindou falls for," Waya muttered, only to receive a kick from under the table. He yelped and clutched his shin. "Iitai! Stop kicking me, Isumi!"

XXXX

Akira was going through another game, he had a dan match coming up and he had to start preparing. The patterns of black and white required his full concentration as he tried to understand another opponent's thought process and reactions. He didn't hear the door open and a person slip in. Nor did he hear the footsteps approaching only to stop directly behind his chair. He placed a stone down in the upper left corner. Just as his finger was about to leave the stone, a pair of arms engulfed him from behind. A nose nuzzled into his hair, and a mouth was right by his right ear.

"Hey there, miss me?" a deeper tone from an all too familiar voice.

"Hey," he replied, his breathe was gone as the pair of arms clutched him tighter around his stomach. "Did you have a good lunch?"

"It would have been better if you were there," Hikaru's breathe tickled his ear. Akira squirmed in his seat, trying not to giggle.

"I'll come next time," Akira stated with a smile, he felt a chin rest on his head. "Sit."

"I'm fine right here," Hikaru placed a kiss on the top of his head. "How's the studying going?"

"Fine, I'm just practicing really," Akira stated as he began to clear the board. Hikaru's arms wrapped around his shoulders, familiar hands tangled in his hair. They just stayed like that Akira placing black and white stones out in an old pattern and Hikaru clutching to him. Breathing in his ear, Akira's heart thundered in his chest.

"Do you want to play a game?" Akira asked curiously, titling his head up to look at Hikaru. Hikaru's face was blank and pale. His eyes were slightly dull and tired. "Are you tired? Is something wrong?"

"Hai…I'm tired. Iie, you're busy. I'll let you go," Hikaru stated and pulled away. Akira was about to protest only to have the door latch and once more he was alone with a Go board. He licked his suddenly dry lips. His shoulders were tingling as if someone had just been there. But now he was alone. Hikaru was gone, Akira sighed and shook his head, Hikaru would be back. Hikaru always came back. He blushed at the thought, they had another dinner date coming up, was it the third or the fourth? He shook his head, the blush deepening. He groaned holding his head in hands. Akira had it bad, he gave the empty room a silly grin.

XXX

It was later in the evening, just as Akira was about to leave the Go Institute when he saw Hikaru. He was leaning against the wall, just watching him walk down the hallway. He smiled and quickly walked up to him.

"Hey," he stated.

"Hey, you ready?" Hikaru asked.

"Yeah" Akira stated with a smile.

Hikaru flashed a smile and they walked side by side. Just far enough to know they were friends if someone was watching. But still close enough to accidentally brush fingers with each other. Once they were in the busy street, they were able to blend in and head towards a little Ramen shop Hikaru couldn't stop talking about.

They sat down and ordered, Hikaru constantly chattering about something. Akira just listened, well more like found himself staring at the lips. It was amazing how Hikaru could just talk about anything and still be so energetic. He chuckled to himself, he hadn't changed much since he was a child.

"Hikaru, what happened to my jacket?"

"Oh shoot! I forgot to pick it up!" Hikaru shouted, "It's done I just need to pick it up. Gomen nasi, it just there was a special on TV last night about Tourijarou and I don't have a DVD or VCR recorder."

"Oh, that's fine," Akira stated with a smile, "just don't forget to bring to work tomorrow, I have a tournament coming up in a week."

"I'll get it back to you I promise," Hikaru nodded and his smile widened when the Ramen was placed in front of him.

XXXXX

Akira glared at the door in front of him. He had been waiting outside for twenty minutes, after Hikaru had slammed it in his face. He sighed shaking his head, hearing lots of "Oh Shits", "Damn it where the hell did I put that", and "It's already been that long, Akira's gonna kill me!" through the door. He had come early wanting to surprise Hikaru. Well, he defiantly _surprised_ him, because now after two days to prepare, Shindou Hikaru was just now cleaning his apartment.

Then suddenly the shuffling stopped and the door opened. HIkaru coughed nervously and gave his rival a swooping bow and allowed him to pass over the threshold. Akira sighed with relief and then took off his shoes. His jaw hit the ground; the entire apartment was a mess. It looked like a tsunami had come through followed by a monsoon.

"Hikaru, what were you doing for twenty minutes?"

"Hey! It's a lot cleaner than it was two minutes ago," Hikaru protested angrily.

"I waited for twenty minutes….I don't even want to know," Akira sighed as he headed into the living room. "At least your dirty laundry is out of sight."

HIkaru's face just turned a dark shade of red as he headed towards the kitchen. "I'm going to ignore that comment and be a good host. What do you want to drink, besides tea. I'm out."

Akira blinked then shrugged, "Water I guess."

His rival nodded and headed towards the kitchen shouting, "Make yourself at home."

"Did you pick up the jacket?"

"Yeah, it's in my room, I'll go get it," Hikaru shouted.

"Oh, its fine, just remind me before I leave," Akira stated calmly taking a seat. He noticed there was a Goban restting close to a bookshelf. Carefully, he read the titles along the bindings, most of the books were ancient Japanese and Chinese works of Go. There were also many books on "Shusaku", "Invincible: The Games of Shusaku", and "History of the House of Hoinbou". Akira smiled giggling to himself why was he not surprised, after the Hokuto Cup a few years ago, he knew never to insult Shusaku, as if the day would ever come.

"Do you want to borrow one?" Hikaru asked suddenly close to Akira's ear. An ice cube dripping down his back, Akira screamed and jumped forward. He knocked into the book shelf, a book fell out landing on the binding and opening to the bookmarker. It was a long piece of paper fell to the ground.

"Don't do that!" Akira growled fiercely, "You scared the heck out of me." Hikaru just giggled as he sat next to Akira. Akira turned to pick up the book and noticed that the piece of paper, noticing it was a photograph from the small photobooths. The boy with bleach blonde wore the all too familiar black middle school uniform. Akira had instantly recognized a younger Hikaru in four different poses. One where it looked he was yelling at someone to get away from the lens. The next one was him shouting to the wall, hands on his waist, as if he was scolding. The third was sticking out his tongue into thin air attempting to pose nicely, his hair clearly ruffled. The final one was of Hikaru just taking a nice smile with a peace sign and with care free eyes. His hair was still ruffled and his pose looked like he was being squeezed to death by an invisible force.

"AKIRA!" Hikaru shouted in his ear. Akira jumped out of his skin again, and stared as HIkaru snatched the photos out of his hands. "Honestly, I didn't know you could be that clumsy from ice tricking down your neck. Knocking things over and screaming like a girl. How dubious you are."

"Huh? But you," Akira stated confused. "You use a big word."

"HEY! I can use intelligent language if I want. It was just a joke, gomen I shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself," Hikaru smirked as he tightly closed the book and shoved it back into the book shelf. Akira just stared barely noting the tender and care Hikaru took with the book as he doubled checked that it was secure. Also the photo was back in the binding hidden from sight, a longing look was relieved in green eyes.

"Hikaru, about that photo?"

"So do you want to play a game or not?" Hikaru smiled heading to pull out the Goban in the corner. "Or do you just want to _hang out_?" He waggled his eyebrows and Akira's cheeks turned bright red.

"Ah…um…I'll play that game." Akira hesitated as he tried to remember how to speak. Hikaru just flashed him an evil grin and nodded in agreement as he pulled out a pair of white stones and placed them on the surface. The stones scattering onto the surface like peddles. Akira looked back from the board to Hikaru, and only met intense green eyes. Green eyes focused on only him, staring intently into his eyes, with the purpose to defeat him. A smirk crawled onto his lips, how he loved playing Go with Shindou Hikaru. He was truly a worthy rival. Firmly, he placed down the stones, "Don't think your going to win so easily, Hikaru."

"We'll just see about that," Hikaru replied counting out his stones, a smirk mirroring his rival's appeared. "Akira." Akira just growled and ignored the hotness on his cheeks as they began to play Go once again.

WR: Please note that _Invincible: The Games of Shusaku_ is apparently a real book and I have had not the pleasure of reading. I got some of that data from _Wikiapedia- Honinbo Shusaku_, its pretty interesting if you sit down and read it. . Hope you enjoyed the story so far, I'll try to keep all my facts as straight as I can. Remember R&R .V Thanks! 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Hikaru was kneeling in front of the goban, alone in his apartment. Akira had left several hours earlier, the image plastered in his mind. There was no way around it, Akira was disappointed, and his expression had been filled with worry and disgust. Hikaru could feel the tears prickling out of his eyes. The young man sniffled trying not to bawl like a child. He wasn't worthy. He had lost to Akira again. He wasn't suited to be a rival of the man he had come to love. The pattern of black and white stones had become repetitive. He couldn't figure out his weak spots or his strengthens. Hikaru needed advice and the only person he felt that could really teach him was gone.

_Sai is gone_.

Dull sea-foam green eyes traced the black lines along the wooden surface.

_He won't come back. _

Gently, he pulled the board forward yearning to place a stone on the surface.

_I'm too weak. _

Even with a white stone in his hand, he didn't dare to. Heavily, he sighed and waked out of his bedroom, the goban remained untouched. It had been collecting dust for three long years, since he had been sixteen. Hikaru couldn't do anything else but wait. At the door frame he glanced back longingly, the light from the living room cutting the board in half light and half darkness. He turned and closed the door for the room to be blanketed in darkness.

_Gomen Sai._

Morishita was surprised when Shindo Hikaru appeared in front of him demanding him that he would give him a private tutoring session. Naturally, he accommodated the young pro, his green eyes were driven by something. He knew that Shindo had an extraordinary talent when he had appeared as an insei. Since those days, he firmly believed that Shindo Hikaru was a force to watch carefully. He smirked to himself, more carefully than Touya Akira. The boy was a breathe of fresh air to the Go world and the Go world defiantly needed a breathe of fresh air. The older players stunk up the Go Institute with their know it all patterns. Touya Akira, the higher dan snorted and chuckled, would fall under Shindo Hikaru one of those days. Yes, Shindo Hikaru held a lot of promise.

While waiting for Shindo-dan-3, he remembered the conversation that they had when he had been cornered in the Go Institute that April morning. "Morishita-sensei," Shindo bowed formally, "Onegai, play me as you would in a formal match." His forehead was touching the ground as he kneeled on the floor. Morishita was silent for a moment, just watching the teenager. He was clam and collected, this request was to help him improve. If he had been any other student beside Waya, he would have declined.

"Fine," Morishita replied calmly, squinting his eyes and nodding, "Demo you asked for it."

"Arigatou, Morishita-9 dan," Shindo Hikaru replied, and then Morishita blinked. Shindo Hikaru would usually be beaming. However, his eyes were hard. Defiantly, one to never underestimate, the higher Go player confirmed to himself.

"Morishita-9-dan," Shindo stated when he arrived out of breathe like always, "Gomen nasi."

"Cut the act, Shindo," he barked. "You're not one for formalities. Don't think you can beat me by acting like you're someone else. You're not Touya Akira. You are not Waya. You ARE Shindo Hikaru." With that he snapped his fan shut and lead the way towards the Goban. He didn't look back but he could hear Shindo stumble and hurry after him. _Yes, the boy has promise but he still has a long way to go,_ he reprimanded himself.

XXXXXX

Akira wasn't surprised when he arrived at the reserved section in the back of the Go Institute. Hikaru was sitting at the small board going through a few Shuusaku kifus silently, reading into each move. The sound of the stone firmly hitting the board as if it was a match game, the intensity hung in the air. A small smile traced along Akira's lips as he watched from behind the bookshelf. Hikaru didn't realize he had come yet as he over heard the teenager talking to himself.

"Honestly, Torajiro, what were you thinking, letting him do that?" the teenager muttered and redid the move. There was silence for a moment, the movement of stones. A few minutes passed, then a whistle, "Ah I see." Then the movements quickened as the game continued to play out. "He resigns here. Sugoi." Hikaru's voice was barely above a whisper but it echoed through the stacks of paper. There was a moment of silence as Hikaru nodded and quickly began to clear off the board.

Akira took a deep breathe and stepped out from behind the bookshelf, "Busy?" He smiled evilly fully knowing what would happen.

"AH!" Hikaru shouted jumping and falling out of his seat. "AAAkira! Don't do that! You scared the heck out of me!"

"Gomen," Akira replied with a smile, taking the seat opposite Hikaru. "It's a rare sight to see you studying intently."

"Haha, very funny," Hikaru muttered picking himself off and situating himself once more. "You shouldn't have done that though, what if I had ripped the book?"

"Then you would have rewritten the whole thing by memory," Akira smiled kindly. He only received a glare from Hikaru and then a sheepish smile accompanied by the scratching the back of his head. Hikaru seemed like he was back to himself again. Akira's stomach fluttered and his heart pounded.

"True," Hikaru muttered calmly, "So what's up?"

"I..I was just checking on you and…," Akira smiled, and then he looked down at his lap muttering something.

"What?" Hikaru asked, "I didn't hear you."

"Isaid…Imissedyou," Akira whispered, his cheeks were turning red.

"What I didn't,"

"I SAID I MISSED YOU!" Akira shouted his face was bright red, only for him to quickly cover his mouth and frantically look down the hall. He hadn't meant to be that loud. Hikaru blinked and jaw dropped, only to close and then drop again. Akira sighed shaking his head, fighting down the blush.

"Oh…Ok, you didn't need to shout," Hikaru stated, he was now blushing. Akira wanted to throttle him and then kiss him senseless, or was it kiss him first, then throttle him?

An awkward silence settled between them. Hikaru blinked as Akira coughed and asked, "Do you want to play a game?"

"Sure," Hikaru stated with a smile. "I'm ready whenever you are."

"Good," Akira nodded and they began to play Go.

XXXXXX

Hikaru smiled as he felt he had made some accomplishments that night. He had lost but it wasn't as big of a lost as the previous game. He was advancing he knew he could defeat Akira. He just needed a little more time. The words of knowledge came back from Morishita-sensei.

"Shindo, is there something you want to talk about. Your Go seems distracted."

"Actually, yes, Moshita-9-dan,"

The older Go player grunted in agreement, placing his hands in his sleeves. "Does it have to do with defeating Touya Akira?"

"H..Hai, how did you know?"

"How did I _not_ know," he chuckled, "you two are the latest gossip," he leaned forward looking rather pleased. Hikaru's face was turning a slight pale shade to it. The teacher continued, "because, apparently Touya Akira has been running around trying to find a Torajiro and it's driving everyone nuts. The boy busted into the records of the insei, pros, old pros, armature and even internet." He was rolling with laughter, "I have never seen a Touya so flustered or frustrated as I did in the past few months. Ogata-Meiji-Judan hasn't been able to get a moment's piece, serves him right. Maybe he'll throw off his game." He continued to chuckled, the coughed, "but that's besides the point, of course."

"Of course," Shindo weakly smiled. _Morshita-9-dan is still obsessed with defeating the Touya-study group._

"Shindo-3-dan, your Go is weak because you seem to have lost your way. Sometimes it is best to try new ways. However, sometimes you need to refresh your roots to build a firmly foundation."

"But it took me two years!" Shindo protested, "And…."

"Two years! TWO YEARS!" Morishita shouted, "It took me my _entire_ life to get me to this point, but I always go through what my sensei taught me!" Shindo looked down at his lap in shame, "I'm not saying that you need to take two years off. I'm saying that you need to just remember why and how you started this. Wasn't it to defeat Touya Akira? What happened to the boy who was an _insei _who said I'm going to defeat Touya Akira?"

"It's just that I'm so close but I can't seem to do it," Shindo whispered.

"Then give up," Morshita shrugged.

"NO!"

"I was kidding," he chuckled, squinting his eyes, he sat back straight. "You probably know his game better than anyone. You're style is still molding, maybe you should go back to your old sensei's games, you might find what you have lost. That will lead you back to your true path." He stretched nodding to himself, "In the mean time, once a week we can play like we did today."

"You mean, you're going to tutor me?" Shindo blinked.

"Of course, I'm going to tutor you," he roared. "I want to see Touya Akira defeated." Hikaru sweatdropped as he watched his sensei flare his arms around and went on his must defeat Touya-meijin study group, minus the fact that Touya-meijin had been retired for many years.

Hikaru smiled as he watched Akira walk away, looking rather dazed but satisfied.

_Wait for me…Sai._

_Akira…I will defeat you._

XXXX

Akira flopped back onto his futon, staring at the ceiling. Shoulder length hair fanning around his head, arms out stretched and he listened to the silence. His parents were off in China again or was it Korea? He hadn't had time to really email or call them. But no news was good news, right? He just laid there, with the patterns of the stones going through his head. They were all of Hikaru's games. The boy had developed so much so fast and that last game even more so. He smiled to himself, _Hurry up Hikaru, I'm waiting for you._

He rolled to his side muttering, "But who _is_ Tourjirou?" He frowned thinking about it, he had been through all the records and still nothing had come up. Last week he had begged Ogata to ask around the salons and on the internet. Of course, the double title holder had come up empty handed or he was holding information, again.

"You're old enough to figure stuff out on your own," the older man stated, casually blowing smoke in his face. He could still smell the cigarettes in his hair. He wrinkled his nose at it.

The image of Hikaru muttering to himself earlier that day returned. The boy was studying but he was talking to the board and the pages. He cursed himself, he should have been paying attention to which book he was looking at. Not how cute his black hair was ruffled and tossled from lack of sleep.

"SHINDO HIKARU YOU DRIVE ME NUTS!" he shouted burying his face into his pillow. He turned his head, taking a breathe of cool air. "Honestly, what are you thinking about, Hikaru." His hands clutched the pillow as his mind continued to race through the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Ogata was drinking when Akira ran into him at the convention. He was wearing his usual white suit, his head leaning back against the back of the chair. The last couple of weeks had been rough on him. However, as soon as Akira's eyes locked onto him, Ogata had enough energy to run away. Unfortunately, his legs were not working too well. So when he stood up and announced he was leaving, naturally his knees gave way, landing him back on his chair.

"Ogata-Meijin," Akira began only to be cut off.

"I don't know who Tourijarou-whatever is, Touya-5-dan, I don't care who Touri-whoever is," Ogata cut him off, "I want to go to bed."

"Now Seji-san, don't be like that," Ashiwara scolded with a giggle. The blonde go two title holder threw him a look which naturally bounced off the other pro.

"Demo," Akira protested.

"Unless it has to do with Sai, I don't care," Ogata slurred and motioned for Ashiwara to help him up. "Good night!" He waved off, wishing his fellow Go player would hurry up. The teenager's puppy love and rivalry was getting too much for him. He hadn't had a moment's piece since March. It was the middle of April, enough was enough.

"You need another hobby besides trying to find strong players. Why don't you try dating Shindo-3-dan?" He shouted over his shoulder. Instantly, he realized his mistake, he had meant to say, "You need another hobby besides, Shindo-3-dan. Try dating." But he was drunk so it came out the wrong way. He wanted to correct himself, however, when he saw the blush spread over Akira's cheeks he didn't bother. If he had been sober he wouldn't have smirked and Akira wouldn't have turned cherry red. He snickered and muttered, "Note, use puppy-rival-love to keep Akira-kun away."

"Not that way Seji, our room's on the other floor!"

Ogata just grumbled and continued to stumble down the hallway, ignoring his usual whiny roommate as always.

XXXXX

Waya, Isumi and Hikaru were having their usual lunch when Waya suddenly stopped his constant talking and stared at the door. Isumi and Shindo paused and glanced in the same direction. There was Ogata-Meijn-Judan wearing his sunglasses, glaring at Shindo.

"Ne…Shindo..why is Ogata-san here?"Waya whispered, his ketchup about to drip on his lap.

"I don't know," Shindo stated shrugging, taking a bit out of his hamburger. Suddenly, the young pro realized that the room had suddenly gotten darker. He looked up there was Ogata-Meijin-Judan hovering overhead, looking like he could strangle the boy. Hikaru felt some ketchup drip onto his new pants but he didn't dare move.

"Shindo-3-dan," the title holder stated flatly, "Stop hiding away and control your _rival_ before he has some bodily harm done to him." With that he stalked out, passing Ashiwara-san who was shouting for him to apologize down the street.

Both Isumi and Waya stared as Shindo put his sandwich down and quickly hurry out of the restaurant.

"What was that about?" Waya asked taking a bit out of his sandwich.

Isumi just sighed and stole a French fry, "Who knows?"

"Oi, no mooching!" Waya shouted loudly, muttering, "freeloaner."

"Look who's talking," Isumi smirked and repeated the action. Waya naturally protested.

XXXXXX

The evening was still cool and windy but the day had been beautiful, April was next week. Hikaru hadn't asked for a game for a while, but Akira was content. Minus the nagging feeling in the back of his mind, something was off, or was it just him.

"Hikaru, I've been wondering this for a while," Akira whispered, their fingertips brushing gently as they walked side by side down the street.

"Nani?" he asked giving a smile. Hikaru was leaning in, he so close to those pink rose bud lips. He smiled cheekily; he had finally caught Touya Akira. Nothing could ruin this moment.

"Who's Torajiro?"

Shindou Hikaru had a grand panio drop from Tokyo Tower onto his head. The entire world stopped turning. He couldn't stop himself from staring. Akira's green eyes were a dark shade of green, like the color when the sea is raging mad. Deep in his heart, he knew he should be terrified, he should be running, but the longer his rival and boyfriend glared at him with smoky dark green eyes. Over three weeks, way more official dates, and numerous games, oh the games they played. The more time they spent together, the more he wanted to see if he could control this tempest standing before him. He was so close last week. Now he felt like he was an insei, again.

Touya Akira was so unpredictable, but the question had him lost. Their date had been going well. So far, they hadn't fought at dinner, even decided which movie they wanted with a chorus of "yeah, I wanted to see that too." It had been fantastic. It had been thrilling. It was everything he could have wanted, five seconds ago.

"N-Nani?" he stuttered lost and confused. He had been so close. Another two inches was all he needed.

"I asked you who is Torajiro?" Akira's intense green eyes were boring into his soul again.

"I don't know, who's that?" he asked, completely lost. His mind was racing for recondition, "Is he a friend of yours? What does he have to do with anything?"

Akira's eyebrow twitched and Hikaru was beginning to fear for his life. The green eyes closed and a fist was formed. Knuckles whitening and nails digging into the palm of his rival's hand. It was like watching a smoking volcano, only for smoke to suddenly disappear and sad green eyes remain. Akira looked down the stairwell.

"Never mind. It's nothing." he sighed and turned away, dark bangs whisking in the air. Hikaru gulped as the rumbling of Akira's low voice rustled in his throat, "You keep these secrets from me and expect me to understand everything. Then you were the one who bring him into this."

"Akira?" Hikaru whispered, suddenly grabbing his rival's wrist. The other teenager closed his eyes and remained looking away. "What's wrong? This what?"

"This mess, you mentioned a random person and leave me completely confused. I know I should be confused about Sai but the Torajiro has me lost. Who is he?"

"Torajiro…Wait, does this have to do with us or with …"

"Both," Akira tried to explain, "Everything you touch has to do with Sai and now this Torajiro. I want to understand you, Hikaru. I would like to be in a relationship with you. But how can I when you keep these secrets from me? A relationship is based on trust. You don't trust me." was the reply, and then he was facing him again.

"I do trust you," Hikaru shouted. "I trust you more than have trusted anyone in my life." "Really, then why won't you tell me," Akira cut himself off sighing. He looked down at his hands, clenched his fist and then shouted, "Let's play a game, Hikaru. If I win you will tell me what's going on." His dark green eyes were intense and pinning Hikaru to the past.

"_Hikaru! You're so mean!"_

"_You can play the next time, Sai."_

"_Hi-ka-ru!"_

" _You have eternity to play. You can just wait til I'm done for a few minutes and then I'll play you as soon as we get home."_

"_Hikaru! I want to play. Let's play!"_

" _I already told you Sai. I'll play you at home, I promise."_

"_But I want to play Go NOW!"_

" _Stop being so selfish. I'm tired! You can wait!"_

The transformation was sudden and Akira could only stare in shock. Hikaru's brilliant eyes turned a dull dying green. His heart was wrenched, squeezed, and no long his own. His rival was going to break. Hikaru's eyes were watering up. The first tear was subtle, trickling down his slender cheek. A soft cheek, lacking the baby fat he had when he was still very young. They were still young but it felt like an eternity since they had met. So much had change and it was so devastating. Hikaru's soul had been ripped at the seams, shattered into thousands of pieces and thrown to the wind. There was nothing to recover but the scraps of a tattered old cloth that once was a heart. Instantly, Akira felt regret for the words he had shouted in frustration.

"Hikaru?" Akira whispered, he didn't realize that his hands were shaking. The hand that held his wrist fell away in slow motion. "I..I didn't mean. I just…I want to help you."

"Sure," the answer was hollow and a shallow smile was plastered on his date's face. "It's the least I can do for you, Touya." Then Hikaru turned and began walking away, "After all, you've been chasing Sai for as long as I've been chasing you."

Akira couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. All he saw was the tall teenager's back with black hair, walking away, away from him. With each step he took, Hikaru took five. He didn't realize that he was chasing him, running as fast as he could down the street. When had Hikaru gotten so far away from him? Suddenly, he slammed into the other teenager, knocking them both over onto the sidewalk.

"What the hell do you think you are doing! What's wrong with you? You could have done something really really stupid. You…You…just can't take off like that." He didn't realize he was shouting, all he knew was he hadn't felt so helpless in many years. Not since his father's collapse and sudden retirement.

"I can take off whenever I want, Akira," Hikaru replied quietly, "Anyone can." The whispering of the other people staring became background. Dusting them both off, Hikaru forced a beaming smile, pulling Akira close to his body. A pat on the shoulder, back, and head was enough touching to send a shiver down Akira's spine. "I didn't realize you had fallen so far behind." Hikaru's smile was cold as his voice whispering in his ear. "Shall we?"

"H..Hai," Akira whispered a blush clearly planted on his cheeks. He didn't know if he was unsure of the stares from the other people but he found once their eyes met again. The words coming from Hikaru's lips were lost to the rapid beating of his heart.

"Right, let's play that game, okay?" Hikaru smiled, intertwined their fingers and led him away towards a Go Salon. It movement had become so natural, second natured. The squeeze of his hand was gentle, reassuring, Akira almost never realized they were walking hand in hand down a street to his doom.

WR: Yes, I edited the chapter because so many people were confused. Ogata is drunk and doesn't care who Torajiro is and when you are drunk you tend to slur stuff together ( at least I know I do .). Sorry about that earlier. Enjoy R+R


	9. Chapter 9

WR: WA! Another chapter and I hope I'm not dragging this fic too long. I don't own Hikaru no Go gomen nasi demo I hope you guys are enjoying the fic. I would also like to thank the 21 people who have put this fic on alert (it's the most I've ever had .V).

Chapter 9

Akira didn't know why but the actual game they were playing was familiar. However, it didn't feel like Hikaru's games, the pattern was a lot more mature. From nigiri, the teenager had an intense green fire in his eyes as each stone landed with a resounding pachi. Akira was determined not to lose in this tiny salon close to a park. A crowd of older Go players were leaning in, also intently focused on their game. At first Akira felt out of place, Hikaru was instantly the center of attention once more. Then one of the older players noticed him.

"Touya Akira! You're Touya Akira! Aren't you?"

"HHai," he bowed formally, "Nice to meet you."

It only took five minutes of Hikaru shouting and pulling him from his 'adoring' fans. They looked like they wanted to throttle him for some unknown reason. Or perhaps it was to get an autograph. Akira never could tell the difference nowadays.

"Hey! We're here to play a game!" The entire salon silenced and the manager let them play for free in a corner.

PACHI!

A white stone appeared in the center of the board, tengen. Akira stared in shock then looked over at his rival. Blonde hair was blocking his view again, Hikaru was staring intently at the board, not meeting his eyes. Akira wanted to start throwing stones in aggravation. Hikaru had been running him around in circles for the past hour and half. Every time he gained some territory, Hikaru would also gain another. The game was close, and now Hikaru was trying to cut him across the board. However, Akira had the most area in the center. Akira sat back in his chair staring intently at the board. Hikaru's strength was coming back from behind or by making the move seem insignificant. Akira had no choice but to look ahead of his opponent. Firmly, he took a black stone and placed it in the upper right corner.

_There, let's see what you do now, Shindo Hikaru._

However, Shindo did not seem to notice the stone or if he did he wasn't attacking it. He simply placed another white stone further towards the left from the center. Akira blinked, _I must have missed something_. _But what?_ He looked over towards his opponent and felt his mouth go dry. Shindo wasn't playing like Shindo. Shindo wasn't playing like a higher dan level. Shindo was playing like Sai. Akira's heart beat rang through the room, Hikaru looked up. Akira's breathe caught the green eyes seemed to be saying, _It's really not what you think, it's more. So much more than you could fathom._

XXXX

Akira stared at the board, his heart was thundering in his chest. They had tied again. But the game should have been Hikaru's, Akira didn't even know how he had managed to catch up. He couldn't bring himself to speak as he watched Hikaru just stare at the board. A silence loomed over the salon; the other patrons became shadows on the wall.

"Hikaru?" he asked, "Are you…"

"I see I should have gone there instead," Hikaru muttered then looked up with a smile and laughed, "Mah, I guess today isn't as great of a day as I thought. Let's get going, its getting late. I have a busy day tomorrow." With that he started cleaning up, quickly, Akira instantly noticed how Hikaru's hands twitched. Akira couldn't bring himself to lift a stone as he just sat helplessly. Hikaru smiled and waved as he rushed out the door. Akira could only sit and stare at the now empty goban and packed away stones. The manager told them they were closing and he nodded and headed home. His mouth was dry. Hikaru had left with no good bye, just a wave and smile, and then he was gone.

It wasn't until the train pulled in front of him showing him a reflection of a young man wearing a suit and tie. Akira didn't recognize himself as he stared in the pan of glass. The man in front of him was crying, his eyes were puffy his nose was about to start running. He wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve and hurried onto the train taking a seat in the back. However, the tears still came.

XXXX

Hikaru didn't know where else to go. He didn't want to go but he didn't want to run to Akira. He had always run after Akira. So he went back to the Go Institute and locked himself back into the archives. There he poured his pain and frustration into go. He was found the next day, hair tussled with ink printed on his cheek of kifu and instructions, by one of the secretaries. It scared her out of her wits and she fainted with a scream.

Kurata-Ouza came to see him shortly afterwards, treating him to ramen.

"You know maybe you should be taking a break from Shuusaku," he casually suggested. Hikaru didn't say anything just stared at the bowl of ramen. "Or perhaps a change of scenery; what about China or Korea? I hear they are really nice in the spring time."

"I don't have the funds or the time," he replied quietly, "besides I could never..."

"It's not betrayal, its growth," Kurata-san explained slurping up his ramen. "You know that the Young Lions Tournament and North Star Tournament are coming up. You'll have a chance to play Touya-5-dan in the finals. Or perhaps, you should try another style for a bit. It's refreshing." Hikaru just shook his head. "At least think about it." Hikaru nodded but Kurata-san could tell he wasn't listening to anyone. Shindo Hikaru was lost in his own world. As they parted ways, the title holder smiled until the young man was out of sight.

"So a bright star burns out." With that the title holder walked away shaking his head, heading towards the other side of town. "Perhaps I should see how the other star is shining."

When Kurata arrived at the Touya residence, he was not surprised to find a mostly empty house. He called out and rang the doorbell and sure enough there was Touya Akira, looking worse for wear. His eyes were slightly puffy and had bags from lack of sleep.

"Ah Akira-kun, if I came at a bad time."

"Of course not, Kurata-Ouza, come in," the young pro replied allowing him entry. "How can I help you?"

"Actually, I was just talking to Shindo-3-dan, he seems a little out of it." There was no reply but only a nod of conformation, Akira's eyes seemed to go elsewhere. "I suggested him to go on a trip to China or Korea."

"NANI!" The reaction was pure shock and horror, Akira was asking questions and talking so fast, the older pro couldn't believe that this was the same boy a few minutes ago. "How could he just do that?! He promised me! He promised me! He would never go back on his promise."

"He's not going anywhere, Akira-san," Kurata-san replied calmly, clicking out his fan. "He said he didn't want to." The pro was looking around the room finding a lot of scattered papers and a goban covered in a pattern.

"Oh," Akira replied becoming once more collected and clam. "I see. Gomen."

"Its fine," the other pro replied, "Your latest activity with Shindo has been driving the entire Go Institute insane. It's not healthy if your rivalry becomes jaded, perhaps you should just let him win a game every now and then, for his morale."

"No," Akira replied rather quietly, "Shindo would never accept that and besides he would know instantly if I didn't play him seriously." The youth had a far away look. His eyes lost the light for a moment. "Hikaru would never forgive me if I did that."

"Oh I see," Kurata-san had this silly smile on his face that held understanding. Instantly, Akira paled, eyes becoming the size of saucer. "I didn't know you were on a first name basis with Shindo-3-dan." Akira became silent, frozen on the spot. "Sugoi! That's an example of a first rate rivalry, now I understand." He nodded to himself furiously, Akira was beginning to panic.

"Kurata-san it's not what you think," Akira panicked, his face turned bright red. "Hikaru and I are just…"

"Wonderful friends," the large man announced waving his fan around.

"Eh!" Akira toppled over from the shock, "I mean hai."

"Of course, it would only take two really good friends to understand each other and what they were thinking. You and Shindo have a special rivalry that everyone in the Go world envies. Ah! I'm so jealous I wish I could find my eternal rival so I too could reach the Hand of God. Such an ambitious project, especially for some people so young, it's wonderful."

"Ah," Akira whispered, trying to calm his beating heart.

"But don't think that I'll let you and Shindo take all the titles without a fight," the title holder smirked pointing his folded fan in Akira's face.

"Would never dream of it," Akira smiled politely.

"Well I should be going, I have to talk to Amano-san," Kutara replied standing up, "Don't worry, I'll make him keep his nose out of it."

"Gomen nasi demo I don't understand," Akira asked curiously.

"He was saying how he wanted to come out with an article regarding your rivalry on the rocks," Kurata-Ouza replied wistfully, heading towards the door. "But don't worry I'll enforce that your rivalry is one of the purest kind." The title holder smiled, "Hm…perhaps I'll add how my advice and guidance helped you."

Akira just sighed with a small smile thinking, _Shindo you are truly blessed_. He headed to see his guest out and then Kurata-san looked down at the go board in the corner with an unfamiliar game.

"Still recreating games as always, is this a Sai game? It looks very high level and the pattern is defiantly his."

"Iie," Akira shook his head. "It was the latest game that Shindo and I played."

"Really," Kurata-san replied surprise in his voice, "he tied you?" Eyes focused on the white and black pattern across the board, "Demo now that I have a second look it's clearly his pattern of Shuusaku. Could you send me the kifu sometime?"

"Hai, it's his second time," Akira replied, some pride echoing through his voice, "When I have time I'll send it."

"Touya Akira," Kurata-san snapped firmly, standing up once more looking him firmly in the eye.

"Hai," Akira jumped back in surprise. He had been once more lost in thoughts.

"Forget what I said before," the title holder stated, looking at the pro firmly in the eye. "Don't give him an inch. Never hold back."

"Hai," Akira smiled and the title holder nodded in agreement, heading out once more.

"I take back what I said about Shindo, he is still a star burning brightly. You as his twin star must make sure he continues to do so."

"Arigatou Kurata-Ouza." Akira smiled a true smile for the first time in a few days. He was finally feeling better and proud that he was the rival of Shindo Hikaru. He was so proud that Shindo was his as well.

XXXXXX

Hikaru sighed as he stared awake in his dark apartment. The neighbors were being strange and loud as always, possibly drunk for various reasons. He turned to his side, shoving his pillow over his head, groaning in exhaustion and frustration. Slowly, peaking out from under his pillow, green eyes landed on the dark goban in the corner.

_This is getting out of hand,_ he thought to himself._ That's it, I'm going to tell Akira tomorrow that I give up. I'll tell him next year, we can put it off for one more year. It's only one more year, Sai would understand. _ Hikaru rolled to the other side furious at himself for thinking such a thought. _But he'll be so mad. He'll be disappointed, he won't say a word or will he freak out? I have no idea anymore. I though that the whole attack would work. _He rolled onto his back and sat up, throwing the covers off. In two steps he was in front of the goban going through the game that had played out in front of him.

"Sai, I need you now. Onegai, tell me what I should do," he whispered and firmly placed a stone on the board. The pervious game played out in front of him. Hikaru did not get any sleep that night.


	10. Chapter 10

WR: First off, I would like to thank you all for your great patience with me. I am trying to finish my thesis, apply to a few schools/jobs, and a bunch of other things. I really appreciate the support. Also, I would like to apologize about my bad spelling (I got a mac which I love but I have no clue how to use at times) so its been a slow adjustment. So if you find a couple of errors (big or small) I'm sorry but I really don't have time to work out the kinks as much as I would like. But in the mean time I hope you enjoy the fic, I'll put more up when I can .

Chapter 10

Hikaru stared at the pattern of white and black on the goban surface. He had lost count of how many times he had played this game. His brain had officially shut down to the point where he could blissfully stare out into nothingness. Hikaru's hands were cramped to the point where if they tried to not clench the fan or have a stone positioned between his fingers, instant pain would creep up his forearms. With a dazed smile, he watched as his fingers automatically curled into their comfortable positions. He winced as he stretched them, his digits resumed the pervious position. Despite his aching body and jelly like brain, he still had no answer to his problem. For a second he glanced at the clock, it was only ten in the morning. _When did I start playing again, wasn't it around 9 at night? _Hikaru wondered, his mind remained sedated in the silence of his apartment. Then he blinked a few times only to collapse on top of the goban, completely exhausted from Go.

XXXXXX

Akira knocked hard on Hikaru's apartment door. It was late in the afternoon and he was furious. There was the sound of shuffling inside, but still no answer. Akira glared holes in the door and knocked again, louder. There was a shout of "I'm coming" and then the door opened to reveal a boy with puffy red eyes staring at him in surprise.

"A--Akira," he stuttered in shock, "What are you doing here? Don't you have a match?"

"I did this morning, its three o'clock in the afternoon," Akira stated calmly, glaring intently at his rival. Then his anger got the better of him. "Where the hell have you been? What are you wearing?" Then Akira blinked, Hikaru's face was had red dots all over. "Do you have chicken pox?"

"Huh? What? NO," Hikaru shouted, then hurried inside his apartment to the mirror. "KUSO!"

"Nani?" Akira hurried after his boyfriend, worry etched on his face.

"I think I fell asleep on the goban again," Hikaru muttered sourly. Akira blinked and then chuckled. "It's not funny!"

"Yes, it is," Akira smirked, remembering the conversation they had about him falling asleep on the couch, "I'm sure you looked cute." He gave him a wink, only to smirk as Hikaru's cheeks turned a soft pink shade.

"Moh, you're mean," Hikaru pouted in frustration. "What did you come here for?"

Akira paused and then remembered, Hikaru had missed another match. His merry attitude instantly turned into dark anger. His angry green eyes bore into his rival's bright green eyes. "You missed a match and I...I thought that you would...stop. I promised myself that I would never let that happen, ever." Akira's voice had become soft laced with frustration.

"Oh, no, it's not what you thought," Hikaru smiled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "I was just too tired and I didn't realize what time it was. Not playing go isn't an option, I've already been through that phase." He laughed knowing how ridiculous that option was.

"I see," Akira replied calmly sighing. "I just..." The panic of the entire day was magically lifted from his shoulders. He want to say something only to have Hikaru's soft lips land securely on his. It was a quick peck of a kiss, but the short amount of contact was just enough to make Akira's brain turn into a puddle of goo.

"Arigatou, Akira," Hikaru smiled, as he stepped back.

"Ah," Akira's gooey brain went blank, except for the kiss. "Anytime, Hikaru." A silly grin somehow got plastered onto his face, Hikaru's eyes were shiny and his smile reached his eyes for the first time in a while.

"Ne, Akira," Hikaru asked still smiling, Akira's brain was slowly rebooting.

"Hai," he asked, Hikaru took his hand and lead him back to the living room.

"Could you wait another year?" Hikaru's bright green eyes turned a dull green.

"Another year?" Akira blinked, then his brain finally processed the words. "Another year!" he jumped in shock. "Why?"

"Because there is no way I can beat you," Hikaru's voice had become soft and small again.

"That's bullshit," Akira snapped angrily. HIkaru's face paled as Akira continued his argument, "You are my rival, I'm aware that we are running out of time. But you have such little faith in yourself that you think you can't beat me. You've grown so much over the past few months, Hikaru." Hikaru turned down to look at his hands in his lap. "Hikaru, look at me." There was no eye contact, Akira couldn't control his hands as they forced his rival's face to look at him. Akira stared back into panicked eyes that were watering around the edges. Akira heard a gasp not sure if it was his or Hikaru's. He licked his lips as he whispered firmly keeping his hands in place. "Hikaru, you are ready to beat me. You have already beat me in so many ways, not just in Go but in life. You just need to believe that you can beat me. I...I...I love you, even if you can't beat me. I'll always love you, because I know that you'll never stop trying." Akira's heart thundered in his chest as he lowered his lips and met Hikaru's forcefully. His hands were locked securely in Hikaru's shirt. Akira broke the kiss for a moment whispering in a soft lover's voice, "and I won't ever let you. I won't you go."

"You can't promise that," Hikaru shouted angrily. "Nothing is written in stone. Don't tell me about forever. It doesn't exist." He tried to pull away only for Akira's shaking hands to hold him tighter.

"Yes, I can," Akira shouted back. "I don't have everything under control. I know I could loose my family, my father, at anytime. I know that we might not always be together. But, if it is in my power and my choice, I'm not going to leave you, Shindo Hikaru." There was a forbidding silence, green eyes met light gray, "but if you want me to leave. I will." Then Akira loosened his grip, holding Hikaru's eyes captive. Green eyes widened at this statement, and Akira felt sick to his stomach. Hikaru looked like a puppy that had been left out in the rain and kicked repeatedly. "Hikaru, I...I didn't mean that. I was.." Hesitantly, Akira tried to take a step forward. Hikaru shook his head as a tear trickled down, his bare-feet took a step back. Akira licked his dry lips, Hikaru's taste still lingered. "Hikaru," Akira breathed gently, "I am trying to make you understand. I won't leave you as long as I have the choice. I can't leave you. Your Go, my Go, your life, my life. It's all the same. I need you Hikaru. I respect your way, but I think that putting anything off for too long is just hurting you." Silence remained through the apartment, the two young teenagers just stared at each other.

"Gomen nasi Shindo-san, I'll take my leave." Akira forced his voice from cracking as he slowly turned towards the door. His hand was on the handle, and then Hikaru rammed his body into was spun around as Hikaru forced him to turn back. Hikaru had forced Akira to see him alone, no one could hold a candle to Hikaru. Perhaps not even Sai. The sight before Akira made him forget, everything. Hikaru's green eyes had streams of tears running down his cheeks.

"Akira," Hikaru whispered launching himself into his lover and rival's chest. "I won't let you go. I will never EVER let you go." Then with whatever remaining force he had, the bleach blonde boy tightened his arms around Akira. A piercing wail crashed through the apartment, leaving only Akira to hold on gently to his sobbing friend. "Please, don't leave me." Hikaru sniffled, only for the tears to flow, "I'll do anything, just...just...don't leave me." He continued to whisper softly, "It's my fault he left. It's all my fault. Please don't leave me. Don't leave me."

"Hikaru. Sh, its ok. I shouldn't have said that. Hai, I won't leave you, Hikaru," Akira whispered, gently running his fingers through dark and light hair. "We'll get through this together." His nose inhaled the scent of ink and sunshine. It was not a surprise for Hikaru to smell of two of his favorite things.

"Hai," Hikaru whispered, taking a deep breathe but not moving from his position. The sniffles and whimpers slowly subsided, Akira shifted only to land securely on his butt.

"Hikaru, let me get you some tissues,"

"No," Hikaru pouted, pushing the other boy onto his back. "I don't need tissues. I have you."

Akira sighed looking up at the white ceiling of the apartment. "That's right," he muttered wondering why his vision was getting blurry and his sinuses were hurting. "I have you." Then Akira felt a tear trickle down his cheek. Gently, he clasped his lover, rival, friend, his entire world tighter to his heart. "I'm never ever letting you go, Hikaru."

XXXXX

Waya and Isumi had heard that Hikaru had not attended his match that morning. So now it was dinner time and they were headed over to Hikaru's apartment.

"Now, remember Waya," Isumi glared as they approached the familiar door. "We are taking Hikaru out for Ramen. It's about Hikaru tonight."

"For some reason it always ends up about Hikaru," Waya muttered sourly. Isumi just gave him a look and rang the door bell.

"I'm coming!" was heard from the other side of the door. In a rush of air, there stood Touya Akira, sweater-less and his shirt stuffed messily in his pants. His hair was in all directions, with his eyes red and lips flushed. "Ah...Waya-san, Isumi-san, It is nice to see you again."

"AKIRA! Don't open other people's doors," Hikaru shouted pulling him back away from the door. "I told you I was going to get it."

"Leaving people to wait fifteen minutes is rude," Akira corrected him.

"Shindo, what are you...What is..Why is..Touya-san...Where are your clothes!" Waya stuttered and shouted. Isumi blanched and pushed them inside as he noticed the neighbors were giving the group a dirty look.

"SH! You're going to get me evicted!" HIkaru glared at Waya. "My clothes are in the other room, give me a minute." With that he stormed off, his orange towel still wrapped around his waist. Akira sighed and looked at the two stunned friends. They seemed to be resembling a pair of tomatoes.

"He was taking a shower," Akira explained. "I just woke up from a nap."

"I didn't ask you," Waya growled angrily, Isumi decided that was the perfect timing for a flick to the ear. "Isumi!"

"Behave," Isumi reminded him. Waya just pouted and continued to glare at Touya-5-dan. "We were just about to ask Hikaru if he wanted to go for Ramen," Isumi explained, "You're welcome to join us."

"Isumi!" Waya protested, "Don't invite..."

"Ramen sounds great!" Hikaru shouted from the bedroom and appeared pulling down his shirt. "I'm starving."

"Cause whose fault is that," Akira smirked at the bleach banged blonde.

"Not now, Akira," Hikaru grumbled.

Waya turned and paled looking back and forth between the two. He then looked to Isumi who was laughing at the two. "You guys are acting like an old couple."

"That's nothing new," Isumi chuckled.

"Not you too," Hikaru grumbled, "It's bad enough I have Akari asking me about juicy stories."

"Juicy stories?" Akira asked, "We only had that one game of stripper Go." Waya jaw's hit the floor at that, Isumi's nose twitched. Hikaru just stared at his lover and then laughed loudly.

"Akira, that's just cruel," Hikaru pouted, "You took that joke a little too far."

"Gomen nasi" Akira gave a wink.

"So the rumor is true," Isumi broke the dialogue, "You guys are dating each other."

"Yeah, so," Hikaru muttered sourly. "It's not a big deal."

"Hikaru," Waya paused and then glanced at Akira. "To you it might not be a big deal but to others it is."

"Does it bother you, Waya-san?" Hikaru mocked and glanced at Isumi.

"Of course not! I'm just saying," Waya glared, "You guys need to be cautious about it." Waya's hand landed on top of the taller go player's hand. Isumi looked down at their intertwined fingers and bopped the redhead on the head.

"Stop worrying Waya," Isumi grumbled, "You're way too paranoid."

"Demo Isumi," Waya protested only to get a glare from intense black eyes. Waya shut his mouth at that.

"So are we going to eat or what?" Hikaru asked.

"Yeah let's go before it gets too late," Isumi stated and the group headed out.

Akira glanced at Waya as they walked ahead of the other two. "Waya-san, are you and Isumi-san?"

"For a few months," Waya muttered, he glanced behind him. "If you hurt Hikaru, I'll come after you."

"Hai," Akira remained quiet.

"I still don't like you," Waya muttered.

"Hai," Akira gave a smile as he heard Hikaru's hurried steps trying to catch up to them.

_Anytime you are ready, Hikaru. I'll be here._ Akira smiled as Hikaru's warm hand slipped into his. _Always._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Hikaru?" Akira couldn't tear his eyes away from his rival. They were playing an official match, if Hikaru beat him he would move up to a 4-dan. If his counterpart won, Hikaru would tell him what he longed to know. He would finally be able to have the part of Shindo no one else had. After everything they had been through, he would find out the truth about Shindo and Sai. His childhood secret would be relieved. Akira never had the courage, let alone the chance, to ask directly the reason for Hikaru's pain, joy, and everything. This matter was anything but trivial, those games had caused the teenager in front of him to blossom into his rival. Oh how Akira wish he wasn't feeling as jittery as their first date.

"You should worry about yourself," Hikaru mummer softly, his intense green eyes locking with sea-form gray. "Akira-san."

Akira's heart thundered in his chest as the white stone met wood with a distinct PACHI. He looked at the stone, it was tengen, then anger rose in his face. He wanted to start chucking stones at Hikaru but reframed from doing so.

"I should say the same to you," he replied, and continued to smoothly through his rival's territory.

XXX

Three hours later, Ogata walked by a silent room. He needed a smoke badly, the old monkey was getting on his nerves. He stopped, looking at the two young rivals who had turned the Go world upside down. Everyone was gone, except for an all too familiar pair. The man in the white suit almost didn't notice how their hands hovered over above each other. He did notice the two were silently crying over the game, it was like watching two gods realizing they that had reached their goal and didn't know what to do now. For some reason, he stared at the two, so it was finally over. With a frustrated snort, he turned away, closing the door softly, "Honestly, those two."

Meanwhile back in the room, Akira stared at the board, his hand released the final black stone, Hikaru let his breathe escape from his lips. They were in end game, and it was a struggle to place the final stone, in the lower left corner. The white stone hit the board and the black and white pattern was completed.

"Hikaru?" Akira looked up in awe at his partner. His eyes were puffy and tears were trailing down his cheeks. "You won."

"My word," Hikaru asked in a daze. "That was an intense game. I thought for sure that I won." He laughed, rubbing his eyes. "Man, you really had me Akira. You're amazing."

"Hikaru, You won," Akira stated firmly. _Honestly, he's always like this when he wins. Such a baka._

"Oh please, I did not win," Hikaru shouted quickly beginning to clear the board.

"Leave it!" Akira shouted, grabbing his rival's hand, the board remained in place. The outcome was obvious. "Hikaru. Look. At. The. Board." Akira demanded, Hikaru only squinted his eyes, then a single tear dripped out of the corner of his eye. It landed on the tengen in the middle of the board. The thud of the tear, landing echoed through the empty room. Slowly, a single green eye opened and then the other accompanied its pair. Akira gently held Hikaru's hand as the other teenager stared in wonder. Then the old words of the past rolled through his mind.

_This way of playing_

Hikaru gently touched the white stones he had placed. It was like seeing an old friend for the first time in years. He had always been told that he had played like Sai, but in fact he played Go for Sai. Quietly, he looked up at his rival at the other side of the board.

_He used to play like this_

Akira gently held Hikaru's hand in his, however his other hand was balled in a fist. Finger nails dug into calloused flesh, with white knuckles. There was silence in the room, but his mind was racing, this pain is nothing. Nothing compared to what he went through. Alone.

_Here the Sai I couldn't find anywhere_

Hikaru hiccuped as his eyes became puffy but he refused to let out the wail. "I never got the chance." He whispered, on a raspy voice that could barely be heard. In his head, he was screaming.

_He was here all along._

Akira blinked, Hikaru had said something but he didn't hear. "I'm sorry, Hikaru, what did you say?" Hikaru repeated the statement but it was only the movement of lips. Then another hick cup and deep breathe.

_He is in my Go_.

"I never got to say good bye."

Akira could not have prepared himself for when Hikaru launched himself at his rival. The board's pattern went in all directions as the stones scattered. There was nothing but the sound of hysterical screaming, clutching of clothes, and heart thundering as the ceiling came into view. When Akira opened his eyes, Hikaru was silently babbling to himself, holding on to him for dear life.

"He just left. Without a word. He hates me. I shouldn't have played. I should have let him play. I should have let him play. He's the genius. Not me. I never got to say goodbye."

Akira didn't know what to say, Hikaru was hysterically crying. In the middle of a lovely April afternoon, at the Go Institute. The weight of loosing to Hikaru was on Akira's mind as Hikaru continued to babble about saying, "Good bye, how I was a good for nothing." In the end, all he could do was continue to hold the sobbing teenager, gently stroking his back.

"It's all my fault."

"Touya-san?" Ogata stopped outside of the door, coming back from his cigarette break.

Akira shook his head with a firm glare as he sat up. Desperately, Hikaru continued to clutch onto him, burying his face in his rival's chest. The white suit man lifted an eyebrow when he received a deadly glare and Akira's arms embraced Hikaru tightly. The tall man muttered something about damn kids, and closed the door tightly.

"Hikaru," Akira whispered, only babble answered.

"Hikaru, you need to get a hold of yourself," Akira answered firmly. Then he felt the prick of something in his eye. Hikaru was softly muttering something. "Onegai, Hikaru, please." Then something rolled down his cheek, a droplet landed on top of Hikaru's bleached blonde hair. "Onegai, Hikaru, don't fall apart on me." Then he too began to cry.

XXX

On the other side of the door, Ogata-Meijin, held a lighter to his cigarette, ignoring the new no smoking policy. He had come running when he heard the crash and cries. For a moment, he thought it was some crazy person. Instead, he found the two teenagers again. But the state they were in was a surprise. Touya Akira's face held concern and worry while Shindo Hikaru was an eighteen wheeler reck. The glare Touya-5-dan had chilled him to the bone. He wanted answers just as badly as the brat did.

Ogata-Meijin sighed, listening through the thin paper door, the wailing and cry was heart retching. His hutches were usually right. He did have an inkling of what was going on but he wanted to be sure. After-all, he was thinking about the two most annoying teenagers in the Institute. And one of them just put him on his 'will not talk about Shindo Hikaru' list.

"Honestly, those two."

XXX

Hikaru did not know how he fell asleep, only that his pillow was very warm. Lazily, he looked around, he was still at the Go Institute's match room.

"I see your finally awake." Akira's voice came from above. Hikaru turned to see Akira staring down at him. He was laying on his back, using Akira's lap as a pillow.

"Yeah, I guess," Hikaru replied in a horse voice, a blush landed on his cheeks.

"You ok?" Akira asked, running his hands through soft bleached blonde hair.

"For now," Hikaru whispered with a heavy sigh. Then his memory of the past thirty minutes returned, instantly he sat up. "I'm sorry."

"Don't even go there," Akira growled annoyed. "You won, fair is fair. I just wasn't ready for."

"That," Hikaru sat up, looking down at his hands. "Yeah, I guess, it was sort of a shock."

"Sort of a shock." Akira lifted an eyebrow, "You did this!" he waved his hand around the room, revealing scattered go stones, and a tipped over board. Akira turned back more annoyed at himself than anything,"Why didn't you tell me you were going to completely flip."

Hikaru flinched and remained silent, he took a breathe, looking away. "I thought I would have been able to handle telling you. You deserved the truth more than anyone." Another breathe, "I wanted you to know more than anyone else. Because," Hikaru turned back to Akira, "you're the person I really trust."

Silence, again rang through the match room. Then the door burst open and many people came rushing in, Amano-san in the lead.

"Touya-san, we came as fast as we could." Both teenagers blinked, "You're not hurt, are you?"

"No, I'm fine," Akira stated looking lost, then his eyes landed on Ogata-Meijin. The man coughed into his hand, meeting his eyes, _I didn't say anything._

"But we heard a crash," Amano-san stated. "Then Ogata-Meijin wouldn't let anyone in the room."

"Shindo-4-dan had a bit of a shock, when he won," Akira replied calmly.

"Shindo-4-dan," Amano-san paused in a moment, then a light bulb went off on-top of his head. "Oh, Shindo-4-dan, Congratulations! You have finally beat your rival!"

"Ah, yeah, it was a bit of a shock," Shindo replied nervously, trying to compose himself. "I need to get going, sorry about the fuss." Then Shindo Hikaru, did what he did best in these situations, dashed out of the room, Amano-san hot on his tail. Akira glared and began cleaning up the mess that Hikaru had left on the match floor. Ogata-sensei stood over the teenager, neither of them said a word.

"I should be going too, thank you Ogata-Meijin," Akira stated after he finished fixing up the room.

"Touya-5-dan, what you and Shindo-4-dan should be kept in the privacy of your home, you are lucky I was the one who found you," the white suited man stated calmly.

"You know, I'll be chasing him for days. Shindo comes to me because he trust me," Akira announced forcefully. "I would appreciate it if you could keep this story out of the press. He's having a hard enough time as it is."

"Touya-san," Ogata muttered, Akira was at the door ready to bolt like his rival. "don't let him winning become a habit."

"Ah, I don't intend to," Akira stated quietly, "but in this case, it was a necessity." With that he ran down the hall, knowing his destination.

WR: I know, I'm sorry about the delay but...(holds hikaru!) You finally got it out ne?

Akira: No more angst for him!

WR:...would you rather you have the angst, cause you're more fun. Hikaru's angst is just a law of nature.

Hikaru: Did I really win?

Akira: Yes, don't listen to this crazy woman!

Sai: I wanna play!

WR: Shut up! I have a headache..rereads part...ne...pass me a tissue, Ogata-sensei.

O: whatever.( continues to smoke)

WR: Smoking is bad for you! (stomps out cigarette and runs away)


	12. Chapter 12 SPOILER

SPOILER WARNING!

WR: I hope you enjoy this part. Yes, Hikaru will FINALLY tell Akira. I would like to thank you for your patience and dedication to this fic. I know it takes much patience (imagine writing the damn thing). So you know, if you haven't read or watched the whole series of Hikaru no Go, I'm sorry but this is a MAJOR spoiler content. I would suggest, waiting till chapter 14, I'll italics the parts from chapter 13 that don't relate to the plot of Sai (just for you people, don't you feel special).

Chapter 12

Thirty-three seconds, two minutes, 16 hours and 1 day, was how long it took Akira to finally break into Hikaru's apartment. It had taken many plastic smiles, and 'yes, I am really worried about my "friend's' health' speeches. In that amount of time, he had gotten a hold of the landlady, the legal documentation of who he was, and talked politely to her for two hours. Even then the landlady looked rather skeptical as if she was never going to get another rent payment from Shindo Hikaru. Akira did the only thing he could do, he kept smiling. Secretly, he promised himself that he would get Hikaru a tracker or maybe a microchip. It would save him the trouble.

"Here you go," the landlady smiled, "could you please remind Shindo-san that rent is due at the beginning of the month."

"Yes, ma'am," Akira stated with a bow and the door closed behind her. With a he exhaled, he stared into the darkness that was Hikaru's apartment. He flicked on the light and stared in shock. Hikaru had cleaned his apartment. It was spotless, there was no dust in sight.

Akira almost thought he was in the wrong apartment. Then he recognized the goban sitting in the middle of the living room. It was the one Hikaru had kept hidden. Instead of being covered with dust, the wooden surface was polished. The object gave off a gentle glow. Akira shook his head; there was no way a goban could glow in the middle of a dark room. Heavily, he sighed, there were no other sounds within the apartment. Shadows from the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom darkened the apartment. It was spotless, and the realization set in, Shindo Hikaru had disinfected his apartment. Akira felt sick. Exhausted, he sat down at the goban staring at the lines, the clock in the kitchen clicked 6 p.m. Hikaru should be back soon.

XXXX

Hikaru sat on the swings staring out into space. Dull green eyes did not notice children playing hide and go seek. His mind was numb. Calmly, he took in a breath and exhaled, his vocal cords trembling softly. His lower lip quivered accompanied by a twist in his heart. _It shouldn't be this hard_. Hikaru sighed and stood up, heading towards his empty apartment. _If anything, I have to keep this promise. Akira, he will believe me. He has to._

When he arrived at his apartment complex, he checked his mail. The box was filled with the usual: bills, his mother had sent a card, and more credit card applications. Instantly, he pitched the applications and carried his exhausted legs up to his apartment. In the back of his mind something felt off. He shrugged the uneasy feeling away, it always came at times like these. Times when he wished Sai was with him again. _I'm still waiting for him to come back. Which is silly…_ He frowned and shoved the door open and stared. The lights were on, "DAMN IT!" he cursed and groaned, "I can't believe I left the light on." He grumbled kicking off his shoes and stepping into the living room. He froze in mid step.

There in the middle of the room was none other than Touya Akira. Hikaru's eternal rival was absorbed in an old game of go. It was the second game that Sai and Akira had played. It was the game that had changed everything. However, that was not what really got to Hikaru. No, it was the fact that Touya Akira was playing Go on Sai's board. The vice on his heart clicked another notch tighter.

"Okaeri," Akira did not look up as he placed a black stone completing the slaughter.

"Tadaima," Hikaru replied at a loss of words.

"I figured that you would be back, eventually," Akira replied quietly, his hands were resting in his lap. Then intense sea foam green eyes born into brilliant green ones. Hikaru nodded calmly as he sat down across from Akira. "Would you like to go over the game?" Akira reached over and his hands hovering over a white stone, it was the first move.

"Leave it," Hikaru whispered quietly. Bleach bangs covered his eyes, creating a shadow on his face. Silently, Akira nodded and again his hand was in his lap. The two stared at each other for a moment in silence. They studied each other, patiently waiting for the moment when there would no longer be any secrets.

"When I was in middle school, I was convinced that I would go to high school to play soccer," Hikaru announced chuckling, "I guess childhood dreams are the most likely thing to change. I thought that Go was an old fart's game, my grandpa always tried to teach me. Told me, I needed discipline." Akira couldn't help but chuckle at that remark, a smirk appeared on Hikaru's downcast lips. "Then one weekend, I was looking around his attic to see if I could find something to sell off for money. I was going to use it to buy a video game. In that little attic, there was an old goban. In the upper right corner, there was a blood stain. Akari was with me at the time, she didn't see it. Only I could see it. Then I heard a voice, I turned and there was a beautiful man in a white robe with a really tall hat" Hikaru took a breathe, "His name was Fuijiwara no Sai from the Heian era. Without him, I would have never walked down the path of Go. He was my teacher and friend." Through bleach blonde bangs, dull green eyes bore into his rival's, "Sai was a thousand year old ghost."

Akira was leaning over the go board. Hikaru could not see Akira's knuckles, but if he had he would have seen that they were white. Slowly, the dark haired young man realized, Shindo Hikaru had been possessed, "A ghost?" the rival asked, trying to let the information sink into his mind.

"From when I was 12, he taught me go. At first, I was not interested at all. He always nagged about playing. To appease him, I went to Go Salons and allowed him to play through me. Shortly, afterwards, I met you. The first two games, he played you. I couldn't even hold a stone correctly,"

"You started to play, during the tournament," Akira interrupted in a whisper, "your style was completely different."

"I was a beginner then!" Hikaru shouted in defense. "Sai would play anyone, anytime, anyplace. As long as he could play he was happy. He had strong morals especially about people who cheat or use Go to the disadvantage of others." Hikaru explained, "I let him play. But not to bring too much attention to us. I started to become curious and joined the Go club. Sai let me play during those times," A sad smile reached Hikaru's eyes. "We heard about internet Go and it gave him a chance to play near his level. We did not realize how big Sai was until afterwards. When you approached me about Sai's identity on the internet, we stopped playing." Hikaru noticed that Akira was stunned by this fact.

"You lied?" Akira's face was blank.

"I didn't lie, I was protecting us," Hikaru explained, "it's difficult when we both want to play, but, only one of us has a body. Please let me continue," Hikaru pleaded, "I want you to know the whole story."

"All right," Akira nodded, his lips formed a firm line.

"Shortly afterwards, I got my first goban from my grandpa. Sai and I started to play each other every night." Hikaru took a breath, "He sat across from me and point to the location using his fan. He always had it with him. Since he didn't have a body, I placed the stones for him. When I was an insei, I would come home and we would play. He won every time. When I got cocky he would wipe the board with me." Hikaru's voice was soft and gentle. "Remember you were a pro and I started to chase after you. To prepare for the pro exam, we played many games. I began collecting Weekly Go papers to study kifu. If the pages overlapped he would through a fit like a child. He would always want to see your father's kifu."

This time Hikaru's chuckle came out choked. His green eyes focused on his hands, the goban, and everything around the room. They never landed on Akira. "I struggled to get into the seat for the pro exam and succeeded. When it came time for the pro exam, Waya, Isumi and I went to the Go Salon. I met many people there—

You met Kawai-san a few months ago. I learned how to force a tie for the first time there. When it was time for the exam, I was able to pass, because he supported me the entire time." Hikaru looked up at Akira, "When I played Ochi, it was like playing you again, Akira. It drove me to play you again, I was looking forward to the next time. Around that time, Sai was slowly shifting away from me. He would often voice his concern about playing better players. Then your father announced he would play me for my beginner dan series. I didn't want Sai to play. Sai wouldn't have it. He," Hikaru took a deep breath, "he took my seat in the Room of Profound Darkness and demanded I let him play. Your father was already in his seat, watching us argue, or more like me argue with myself. To save my reputation, I let him play but I put a heavy handicap on Sai. 50 moku."

Akira's breath hitched as he watched Hikaru drive himself further down memory lane. The boy's breath was ragged as he struggled for the next sentence.

"You saw the kifu, it was an insult to them. I should have just let everything come out into the open right there. However, I did not want anyone to question me about Sai. I had been cornered so many times, not again. Because of my selfishness, the game made Sai look like a fool. Your father knew something was up, but he barely voiced his disappointment. I saw the effect of the game on Sai, even though he did not complain. I promised that they would play a real game one day."

Akira blinked as he was hit by a revelation, "So you set up the match between my father and Sai."

"Yes," Hikaru nodded, his hair bouncing in all directions. Now, his eyes were blank as he continued to talk, "After his heart attack, Sai panicked he would never play the Hand of God. However, Sai did not ask me but I knew. I did not want Touya Meijin to retire, your father proposed that. In the end, I went to the internet cafe and let Sai play Touya Meijin. Sai won, your father retired. When the game was over, I hurried off to a study group with Morishita-sensei. They were discussing the game and I pointed out how the tables could have been turned. That night Sai began to act even stranger." Hikaru took a deep breath, his eyes studying Akira.

"You see, Sai would often ask to play go, but he was usually considerate. He started to beg to play every hour, even made me skip a meal. I thought he was being selfish, and he backed off for a bit. Then we had a convention at the end of April, beginning of May. Ogata-Juudan -Meijin cornered me there. He asked to play Sai. He was very drunk, so I thought that it would be ok to let Sai play. The game was not worthy of Sai, Ogata too drunk for a serious game. We went home the next morning. We played the whole train ride back." A sad smile was painted on Hikaru's face. "As soon I as walked in the door, he begged for another game. I was exhausted, but I played for six hands." Hikaru took a breath, "Six hands."

Patiently, Akira waited for Hikaru to continue. Hikaru was staring off into space.

"Hikaru?" Akira asked inching towards the distressed boy.

"When I woke up, he was gone." Hikaru whispered quietly. "He was just gone. No goodbye. No hint that it was coming. He was gone. Like he never existed. I know he existed. He was here for two years, every waking hour in my mind. He was my mentor and friend. But in the end, Sai just left me."

"You must have looked for him," Akira smiled gently, taking Hikaru's hands in his own. The boy's hands were freezing cold. "You just left too. None of us knew what had happened."

"I went to Hiroshima, I thought he might have gone to see Torajiro, Hikaru explained quietly. "Kawai-san took me to the Go sites but I could not find him. By that time, I was convinced that if I stopped playing, Sai would come back. Cause, Sai said he would be with me forever. He said we were going to play Go for all eternity. He wanted to reach the Hand of God. He had come back from the dead just to play Go..."

"Hikaru, please before you continue, I need to know who is Torajiro?" Akira asked interrupting gently, "I have been all over Tokyo and back and I still have never heard of him."

"I told you," Hikaru's voice cracked again, "Sai was a ghost, in a goban board. I wasn't the only person who he walked with. You see, he also played through another person," Hikaru replied calmly, wiping his eyes, "Honinbou Shuusaku."

At that point in the conversation, Touya Akira stared his jaw was in a firm line. "Shindo! How can you propose such a thing?" Shindo Hikaru was completely at a loss and in shock. The bleach bang pro became very quiet, his green eyes resting on the goban in front of them.

"Don't say it's impossible," Shindo Hikaru stated quietly. "It's the truth. If you don't believe me then clean up _his_ board and get out."

Akira did not say a word, only wide gray eyes stared at his rival. His mind was torn between leaving and staying, however his body refused to move. Because behind Hikaru's eyes there was only pain and a desperate cry for someone to believe him. The two teenagers just sat in unsettling silence, neither moving nor saying a word.

WR: I know it's sort of short but I want to separate Sai's life into three parts (chapters, Hikaru, Torajiro, and Sai's life) I'll start working on the other parts when I get a chance.


	13. Chapter 13SPOILER

SPOILER WARNINGS!

Author Notes: Hikaru's grandfather got the Go board. There was a rumor that the goban was haunted, his brother thought it was interesting so he bought it. Sai played at the Heian place a thousand years before he met Hikaru. I tried to use the spelling of Torajiro as from Wikipedia, I tried to get most of them but knowing me that is never good enough, deal with it, I'll look at it again though.

Chapter 13

Akira stared quietly as he watched his rival avoid his eyes for the hundredth time. The other teenager was quietly muttering to himself about mistakes. Gently, Akira took his hand, it was cold. Colder than he remembered the other's hand ever being. Usually, Hikaru was the epitome of warmth.

"Don't say it's impossible," Shindo Hikaru stated quietly. "It's the truth. I don't know what else to say, but it's all true." Akira stared directly into his rival's eyes, he was terrified to move or even breathe. He had expected a story, luckily, Hikaru never disappointed him.

"I knew, I should have started from the beginning," Hikaru sighed, his eyes landing on the goban again. Then gently, he reached up picked up one of the white stones.

"There's more?" Akira jumped out of his blank thoughts.

"Yes, with Sai, there is always more," Hikaru forced a smile. "You see when he was alive. Fujiwara no Sai was a teacher for the emperor in the Heian era. He was very energetic and loved only Go. Then there were two tutors for the emperor. The other tutor proposed the emperor only needed one tutor. There was a match to determine who would remain. The audience was the entire imperial court. Sai began to play but his opponent had placed one of his white stones in with the rest of his black. When he was about to protest, his opponent shouted that Sai had placed one of his stones aside. Sai challenged his opponent but the emperor instructed them to continue as it was." Gently Hikaru placed the stone back on the goban, the white shining for a moment. "Sai lost that game and was forced to leave the palace." Hikaru's finger left the stone, causing it to lose the light. "He drowned himself in his grief, asking God to let him play again." Hikaru looked up at Akira saying, "I looked through many archives to find any proof of his existence. However, all the royal documents from that dynasty are either locked away or destroyed. It was as if the entire family name had been ripped out of history."

Akira could not tear his eyes away from the intense green. "Hikaru," he tried to pacify his friend. "It's all right. I believe you."

Hikaru interrupted him forcefully. "The only proof I have that Sai actually existed is 140 years ago from Kuwabara Torajiro, Honinbou Shuusaku."

Akira's jaw dropped like a fish out of water. "Honinbou Shuusaku." Then the calm exterior cracked as he slammed his fist on the goban. "Shindo! There is no reason for you to..."

"Let me finish, damn it!" Hikaru demanded. "You said you would understand. How can you understand if you don't know everything? You wanted to know everything about Sai and me. This is a major part of it." Akira's final sentence had been overruled as Hikaru proceeded through the tale. "After Sai's death and his wish to play go, his spirit possessed a goban. Many years passed and no one could hear him, "Let me play." Then, there was a young boy about the age of eight who stumbled upon the goban. He saw streams of tears running down the board and heard a voice, "Do you see my tears? Do you feel my pain?" Sai asked him. The boy did hear Sai's voice and feel his pain. So he allowed him to play Go through him. As you know, that boy, Torajiro, became one of the best Go players of that era. He played at an amazingly high level with Sai at his side. However, a plague ran through the palace. Being a kind man, he tried to help the sick and in turned died. Shuusaku gave his last breath over the goban apologizing to Sai. However, Sai's tears could not wash out Torajiro's blood, so the stain remained. Once his pupil had passed on, Sai's soul returned to the goban, alone once again"

"Hikaru," Akira whispered urgently. "I know that Sai existed, he had a talent that was beyond anyone had ever seen but," he wet his dry lips, "you should not delude yourself to the fact he played as…"

"I told you," Hikaru growled, green eyes flashing intensely. Akira did not move, he could not pull himself away from the fiery green eyes. Abruptly, his rival and lover stood up, heading towards the bookshelf. Akira noticed that the bookshelf was above the carpet, just enough for a hand to reach underneath. Hikaru stooped down and reached in with one hand, pulling out a tattered old scrap book. Clippings were sticking out in all directions.

"Please, clear the board," Hikaru muttered sourly. Akira could only babble and obey, watching the other teenager out of the corner of his eye.

"Read this." Gently, Hikaru placed the book on the goban and opened to the first page. His hands seemed to age as he turned the book facing Akira, pointing to a newspaper article. The title read: "Shuusaku, Man or Ghost." There were pages filled with skeptical articles of the presence of a Fujiwara family. Hikaru stood up and walked to the kitchen, but he did not emerge.

"It's like the entire family had been erased from the history books," Hikaru's voice raced through his head. Akira's eyes widened as he read

"There has been one game marked in the emperor's record of the presence of two tutors. One of these tutors remained and the other vanished for reasons unknown. Either way, the record of the emperor seemed to diminish, meaning there might have been foul play for the remaining tutor."

Akira finished the first page and continued to read the scrap book. It was filled with wrinkled old yellow newspapers, some dating as far back as the 1930s. Half way through, he rubbed his weary eyes, looking around. The sun was starting to go down. Hikaru still had not emerged from the kitchen. Exhausted from reading too many characters, he stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was Shindo Hikaru sitting at the dinning room table a bowl of new ramen in front of him. Just then Akira's stomach growled.

The noise echoed through the apartment. Hikaru looked up and pushed the bowl towards him. "I thought you might get hungry."

"Thank you," Akira replied taking a seat and picking up the pair of unused chopsticks. They did not talk. Akira ate his ramen, keeping his eyes focused on the bowl full of noodles. He ate quietly. There was barely any other sound. This seemed to irritate Hikaru even more.

"You eat really quietly," Hikaru muttered.

"It's polite," Akira replied reaching for a napkin, returning the glare.

"Demo its ramen!" Hikaru protested, "You need to slurp it to appreciate it."

Akira bristled a bit but did not make a comment. He paused for a moment; the familiar smirk was faint on Hikaru's lips. "I...I believe you, or I believe some of it." Akira stated calmly. Hikaru did not say anything just nodded, turning towards the window in the kitchen. Akira could not say a word but nor could he stop himself from staring at his rival. The movement of the clock echoed through the apartment.

"I should go," Akira broke the silence, his chair scratching across the wooden kitchen floor. Hikaru remained silent, watching the clouds pass by, leaning heavily on his right hand. Akira walked out of the kitchen, his footsteps echoing through the apartment. As if there was no one there. The young pro paused at the entrance, looking back at the tucked away kitchen. His chest vibrated with each heart beat, but his rival never appeared. He counted 60 heartbeats. There had been no sound from the kitchen. Touya Akira couldn't stop himself from sighing in frustration. He slipped on his shoes, making as much noise as possible. With a final glance at the kitchen entrance, he turned his back on the apartment and turned the doorknob.

"Remember when I told you that you were chasing my ghost?" a familiar voice echoed through the apartment.

Akira lifted his hand from the door knob, "Hai. How could I forget?" Intense sea foam green locked with bright green eyes.

"I still want to apologize, you can't play him anymore but," Hikaru fisted his hand, eyes locking with his rival's, "The Sai you wanted to play isn't here anymore but Sai is in my Go. I don't know if you realize that, but I will become as strong as you and we will always play Go from now on." Hikaru seemed lost in a dream as his lips formed a thin line. "That should be good enough for you, right?"

"Of course," Akira shouted, his cool temper was finally shattered. "I've realized and have acknowledged you and you alone as my rival. I don't want anyone else, Shindo Hikaru. I don't want to play Sai anymore, I only want to play you. You drove me insane when you almost quit, did you ever think of that?" Hikaru took a back step as Akira whirled around, arms flying in all directions. "I gave you your space to mull things over, because I knew you would come back. Deep in my heart, I never doubted for a minute that you would come back. I have always believed in you and your Go."

"If you have always believed me, then why don't you believe me now?" Hikaru bit his lip.

"I," Akira paused as he watched Hikaru on the edge of another break down, "I told you, I believe you and yet I don't believe it." He sighed trying to reach the other teenager standing not five feet away from him. "I trust you, I'm just asking you to trust me for a bit. Give me some time to think." Hikaru's eyes shifted back to the living room where the goban rested. "I'm just asking for some time, then I promise I will return and we can go from there."

Hikaru did not say a word. The light that had shown so brightly from his eyes had vanished. Akira swore his heart had stopped functioning for a moment as in slow motion, Hikaru's mouth opened and closed with an unfamiliar sound echoing from them.

"Get out."

XXXXX

Waya was over at Isumi's when the phone call came in. They had been going through some previous kifu's studying for his upcoming match. He just missed the first call, it was an unknown number. With a shrug, he went back to the goban and Isumi, who gave him a quizzical look.

"Who called?"

"How the heck should I know?" Waya snapped annoyed, "It was an unknown number."

Suddenly, the phone in his hand rang urgently. Still angry, he picked up the phone. "Who is this?"

"Waya-san," an all too familiar voice came from the other end.

Instinctually, Waya closed his phone, staring in pure horror. There is no way_ that person_ could have his number. Isumi was flabbergasted as Waya turned his phone off.

"There is no way," Waya muttered, "Ah, don't mind me. Come on Isumi, it's you move."

"Waya, who was on the phone?" Isumi asked concerned, "What if it had been an emergency?"

Then the room erupted with music. However, neither teenager could not pinpoint where was it coming from. The music lurked through the apartment. Waya whirled around in horror as Isumi pulled out his cell phone.

"Moshi moshi," Isumi asked the caller in his usual joyous tone. "Ah, Touya-san, how are you? Waya? Hai he's here. What do you mean, you just called him?" Isumi paused, glaring at Waya with discontent. There was a pause of unbearable silence, Waya shook his head as Isumi's eyes darkened and he stated, "All right, I'll put him on." Isumi handed the phone to Waya, wrapping his hand around firmly. He bent into the redhead's ear whispering in a voice that sent chills down Waya's spine, "Touya Akira needs to talk to you about Hikaru. Be nice."

"Ah," Waya was speechless as he lifted the phone to his ear. Then a smile was plastered onto his face as he loudly talked into the mouth piece, "Ah, Touya-kun, what can I help you with?"

"I need you to visit Hikaru," Touya's voice was firm and filled with worry.

"Huh? What happened?"

"I don't have time to explain, just please could you and Isumi go over and check on him?" Touya asked quietly.

"Sure, but I would like a little bit more details, so I know how to handle the situation,"

Waya replied, turning away from the intimidating look Isumi was giving him.

"You're his friends," Touya whispered quietly, "isn't that enough?"

"Ah, I got it," Waya muttered, the game they had started was long forgotten.

"Arigatou," Touya replied.

"Touya, I'm going over because he is my friend. However, the next time you screw up your love-love relationship, I'm not going to Hikaru. I'm coming after you, is that clear?"

"Crystal," Touya politely replied. The line went dead as the called ended.

"I swear, I'm going to kill that kid," Waya growled, glaring darkly at Isumi's phone. Isumi had not said anything but had headed towards the entrance.

"After we see Hikaru right?" Isumi asked pulling on his shoes.

"Hai," Waya growled, roughly pulling on his shoes. "Let's see what he's gone and done now."

"Hai," Isumi sighed, locking the door to his apartment, while saying a silent prayer to the Gods of Go.

WR: Thank you for your support. I will try to get more out when I can. I am sorry about my lack of attention to other fics. However, I am currently doing my Master's thesis and trying to get finished by May, which means I will be extra busy in the following weeks. I will try not to disappoint you. That is why I have waited this long by bringing out two chapters back to back. I hope you review and give me some new ideas of where to go. Thank you and good night (bows gracefully).


	14. NONSPOILER

WR: Before you say anything, this is the chapter that is just for the people who are not upto date with the full details of Hikaru no Go. (ignores angry mob) HEY! I'm trying to be fair here. Just wait before you chop off my head, you wouldn't want the story to go unfinished now would you? So put the axes and stop hiding behind your boys...geesss...and they say I'm scary. Thanks people!

Chapter 12 13 (NonSpoiler)

Thirty-three seconds, two minutes, 16 hours and 1 day, was how long it took Akira to finally break into Hikaru's apartment. It had taken many plastic smiles, and 'yes, I am really worried about my "friend's' health' speeches. In that amount of time, he had gotten a hold of the landlady, the legal documentation of who he was, and talked politely to her for two hours. Even then the landlady looked rather skeptical as if she was never going to get another rent payment from Shindo Hikaru. Akira did the only thing he could do, he kept smiling. Secretly, he promised himself that he would get Hikaru a tracker or maybe a microchip. It would save him the trouble.

"Here you go," the landlady smiled, "could you please remind Shindo-san that rent is due at the beginning of the month."

"Yes, ma'am," Akira stated with a bow and the door closed behind her. With a he exhaled, he stared into the darkness that was Hikaru's apartment. He flicked on the light and stared in shock. Hikaru had cleaned his apartment. It was spotless, there was no dust in sight.

Akira almost thought he was in the wrong apartment. Then he recognized the goban sitting in the middle of the living room. It was the one Hikaru had kept hidden. Instead of being covered with dust, the wooden surface was polished. The object gave off a gentle glow. Akira shook his head; there was no way a goban could glow in the middle of a dark room. Heavily, he sighed, there were no other sounds within the apartment. Shadows from the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom darkened the apartment. It was spotless, and the realization set in, Shindo Hikaru had disinfected his apartment. Akira felt sick. Exhausted, he sat down at the goban staring at the lines, the clock in the kitchen clicked 6 p.m. Hikaru should be back soon.

XXXX

Hikaru sat on the swings staring out into space. Dull green eyes did not notice children playing hide and go seek. His mind was numb. Calmly, he took in a breath and exhaled, his vocal cords trembling softly. His lower lip quivered accompanied by a twist in his heart. _It shouldn't be this hard_. Hikaru sighed and stood up, heading towards his empty apartment. _If anything, I have to keep this promise. Akira, he will believe me. He has to._

When he arrived at his apartment complex, he checked his mail. The box was filled with the usual: bills, his mother had sent a card, and more credit card applications. Instantly, he pitched the applications and carried his exhausted legs up to his apartment. In the back of his mind something felt off. He shrugged the uneasy feeling away, it always came at times like these. Times when he wished Sai was with him again. _I'm still waiting for him to come back. Which is silly…_ He frowned and shoved the door open and stared. The lights were on, "DAMN IT!" he cursed and groaned, "I can't believe I left the light on." He grumbled kicking off his shoes and stepping into the living room. He froze in mid step.

There in the middle of the room was none other than Touya Akira. Hikaru's eternal rival was absorbed in an old game of go. It was the second game that Sai and Akira had played. It was the game that had changed everything. However, that was not what really got to Hikaru. No, it was the fact that Touya Akira was playing Go on Sai's board. The vice on his heart clicked another notch tighter.

"Okaeri," Akira did not look up as he placed a black stone completing the slaughter.

"Tadaima," Hikaru replied at a loss of words.

"I figured that you would be back, eventually," Akira replied quietly, his hands were resting in his lap. Then intense sea foam green eyes born into brilliant green ones. Hikaru nodded calmly as he sat down across from Akira. "Would you like to go over the game?" Akira reached over and his hands hovering over a white stone, it was the first move.

"Leave it," Hikaru whispered quietly. Bleach bangs covered his eyes, creating a shadow on his face. Silently, Akira nodded and again his hand was in his lap. The two stared at each other for a moment in silence. They studied each other, patiently waiting for the moment when there would no longer be any secrets.

XXX

Akira finished the first page and continued to read the scrap book, Hikaru had practically thrown at him. It was filled with wrinkled old yellow newspapers, some dating as far back as the 1930s. Half way through, he rubbed his weary eyes, looking around. The sun was starting to go down. Hikaru had still not emerged from the kitchen. Exhausted from reading too many characters, Akira stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was Shindo Hikaru sitting at the dinning room table a bowl of new ramen in front of him. Just then Akira's stomach growled.

The noise echoed through the apartment. Hikaru looked up and pushed the bowl towards him. "I thought you might get hungry."

"Thank you," Akira replied taking a seat and picking up the pair of unused chopsticks. They did not talk. Akira ate his ramen, keeping his eyes focused on the bowl full of noodles. He ate quietly. There was barely any other sound. This seemed to irritate Hikaru even more.

"You eat really quietly," Hikaru muttered.

"It's polite," Akira replied reaching for a napkin, returning the glare.

"Demo its ramen!" Hikaru protested, "You need to slurp it to appreciate it."

Akira bristled a bit but did not make a comment. He paused for a moment; the familiar smirk was faint on Hikaru's lips. "I...I believe you, or I believe some of it." Akira stated calmly. Hikaru did not say anything just nodded, turning towards the window in the kitchen. Akira could not say a word but nor could he stop himself from staring at his rival. The movement of the clock echoed through the apartment.

"I should go," Akira broke the silence, his chair scratching across the wooden kitchen floor. Hikaru remained silent, watching the clouds pass by, leaning heavily on his right hand. Akira walked out of the kitchen, his footsteps echoing through the apartment. As if there was no one there. The young pro paused at the entrance, looking back at the tucked away kitchen. His chest vibrated with each heart beat, but his rival never appeared. He counted 60 heartbeats. There had been no sound from the kitchen. Touya Akira couldn't stop himself from sighing in frustration. He slipped on his shoes, making as much noise as possible. With a final glance at the kitchen entrance, he turned his back on the apartment and turned the doorknob.

"Remember when I told you that you were chasing my ghost?" a familiar voice echoed through the apartment.

Akira lifted his hand from the door knob, "Hai. How could I forget?" Intense sea foam green locked with bright green eyes.

"I still want to apologize, you can't play him anymore but," Hikaru fisted his hand, eyes locking with his rival's, "The Sai you wanted to play isn't here anymore but Sai is in my Go. I don't know if you realize that, but I will become as strong as you and we will always play Go from now on." Hikaru seemed lost in a dream as his lips formed a thin line. "That should be good enough for you, right?"

"Of course," Akira shouted, his cool temper was finally shattered. "I've realized and have acknowledged you and you alone as my rival. I don't want anyone else, Shindo Hikaru. I don't want to play Sai anymore, I only want to play you. You drove me insane when you almost quit, did you ever think of that?" Hikaru took a back step as Akira whirled around, arms flying in all directions. "I gave you your space to mull things over, because I knew you would come back. Deep in my heart, I never doubted for a minute that you would come back. I have always believed in you and your Go."

"If you have always believed me, then why don't you believe me now?" Hikaru bit his lip.

"I," Akira paused as he watched Hikaru on the edge of another break down, "I told you, I believe you and yet I don't believe it." He sighed trying to reach the other teenager standing not five feet away from him. "I trust you, I'm just asking you to trust me for a bit. Give me some time to think." Hikaru's eyes shifted back to the living room where the goban rested. "I'm just asking for some time, then I promise I will return and we can go from there."

Hikaru did not say a word. The light that had shown so brightly from his eyes had vanished. Akira swore his heart had stopped functioning for a moment as in slow motion, Hikaru's mouth opened and closed with an unfamiliar sound echoing from them.

"Get out."

XXXXX

Waya was over at Isumi's when the phone call came in. They had been going through some previous kifu's studying for his upcoming match. He just missed the first call, it was an unknown number. With a shrug, he went back to the goban and Isumi, who gave him a quizzical look.

"Who called?"

"How the heck should I know?" Waya snapped annoyed, "It was an unknown number."

Suddenly, the phone in his hand rang urgently. Still angry, he picked up the phone. "Who is this?"

"Waya-san," an all too familiar voice came from the other end.

Instinctually, Waya closed his phone, staring in pure horror. There is no way_ that person_ could have his number. Isumi was flabbergasted as Waya turned his phone off.

"There is no way," Waya muttered, "Ah, don't mind me. Come on Isumi, it's you move."

"Waya, who was on the phone?" Isumi asked concerned, "What if it had been an emergency?"

Then the room erupted with music. However, neither teenager could not pinpoint where was it coming from. The music lurked through the apartment. Waya whirled around in horror as Isumi pulled out his cell phone.

"Moshi moshi," Isumi asked the caller in his usual joyous tone. "Ah, Touya-san, how are you? Waya? Hai he's here. What do you mean, you just called him?" Isumi paused, glaring at Waya with discontent. There was a pause of unbearable silence, Waya shook his head as Isumi's eyes darkened and he stated, "All right, I'll put him on." Isumi handed the phone to Waya, wrapping his hand around firmly. He bent into the redhead's ear whispering in a voice that sent chills down Waya's spine, "Touya Akira needs to talk to you about Hikaru. Be nice."

"Ah," Waya was speechless as he lifted the phone to his ear. Then a smile was plastered onto his face as he loudly talked into the mouth piece, "Ah, Touya-kun, what can I help you with?"

"I need you to visit Hikaru," Touya's voice was firm and filled with worry.

"Huh? What happened?"

"I don't have time to explain, just please could you and Isumi go over and check on him?" Touya asked quietly.

"Sure, but I would like a little bit more details, so I know how to handle the situation,"

Waya replied, turning away from the intimidating look Isumi was giving him.

"You're his friends," Touya whispered quietly, "isn't that enough?"

"Ah, I got it," Waya muttered, the game they had started was long forgotten.

"Arigatou," Touya replied.

"Touya, I'm going over because he is my friend. However, the next time you screw up your love-love relationship, I'm not going to Hikaru. I'm coming after you, is that clear?"

"Crystal," Touya politely replied. The line went dead as the called ended.

"I swear, I'm going to kill that kid," Waya growled, glaring darkly at Isumi's phone. Isumi had not said anything but had headed towards the entrance.

"After we see Hikaru right?" Isumi asked pulling on his shoes.

"Hai," Waya growled, roughly pulling on his shoes. "Let's see what he's gone and done now."

"Hai," Isumi sighed, locking the door to his apartment, while saying a silent prayer to the Gods of Go.

WR: Thank you for your support. I will try to get more out when I can. I am sorry about my lack of attention to other fics. However, I am currently doing my Master's thesis and trying to get finished by May, which means I will be extra busy in the following weeks. I will try not to disappoint you. That is why I have waited this long by bringing out two chapters back to back. I hope you review and give me some new ideas of where to go. Thank you and good night (bows gracefully).


	15. Chapter 15

WR: Thank you for your patience. I know it sucks waiting for a fic that is good. But I have had some of my own issues to work out as well. Yes, life throws you hurdles that is why you have to jump over them. Oh and before I forget a few things. I love the reviews really but, I am NOT killing off any of the characters. Stop saying that sort of thing. I will not even go into reasons why. Anyway without further adieu, please enjoy.

Chapter 14

Touya Akira had always been considered to be a patient person off the Go board. However, once he sat in front of the board, he was Go. Plain. Simple. Just like all the pros before him. It was the thing he did best. Yes, it was incredibly difficult but after so many years of non stop practice and dedication, it made sense. Now, he sat down in his corner at his father's Go Salon. However, unlike the numerous times before, he just sat and stared at the black lines on a wooden surface. There was no pattern for him to study, there was only polished tree lines painted with black ink.

Silently, he wondered when had been the last time he had actually looked at the board and not at the pattern of stones. Each line was drawn carefully perfectly straight even with the possible bumpy surface from the tree. When you focused only on one object at some point, you are able to no longer focus on it. The environment around you does not come into view. All that there is -- are black lines on a wooden surface.

"Akira-san?" an all too familiar soft voice jolted him from nothingness.

"Ah, gomen Ichikawa-san," he gave a smile.

"Are you feeling all right?" she said with concern. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please," he replied with a smile, "I am just a little tired."

"Hm," she gave him a face showing that she knew better. However, she walked away leaving the teenager in solitude. Once she had disappeared from view, he went back to his blank goban.

XXXX

Waya was annoyed. Honestly, it had been a while since Shindo had been a menace. Furthermore, he would not answer his cell phone. The calm voice repeatedly answered _this phone is not available_ and would go straight to voice mail. Waya did not want to leave a fifth message. Therefore, he resorted to visiting the pro himself, Isumi was just along for the ride.

"To keep you in line," the taller teenager claimed as they marched up the stairs. That had been two hours ago.

Now, he was camped out in front of his friend's apartment door and still knocking. His hand was red. The first hour had passed quickly. Waya resorted to sitting on his rear and banging his head against the wood. This did not last as long. Presently on the two hour mark, he was kicking the door shouting, "Shindo! Come on! Get rid of this hobo in front of your apartment." Oh wait, he corrected himself, that is what the neighbors thought. He glared at the old woman from the peep hole across the hall. He knew the entire complex was watching him from their comfortable couches, 'The Life of Yoshitaka Waya, the latest reality TV show."

"Touya Akira owes me big time," the redhead muttered, he hit the back of his head against the front door.

"Waya?" Isumi asked, in his hand was a bag from a convenient store.

"Isumi welcome back. You did not miss a thing," he growled in response. Isumi sighed and slide down the door next to him.

"Sorry, it's not the best," Isumi apologized as he handed out a bento of sushi.

"Who cares, I'm starving," Waya shrugged, "thanks for the food." Instantly, he dug in, rice flying in all directions. "Honestly, I don't know who to be more mad at.

"I don't think that you should blame either of them," Isumi.

"I know," Waya became quiet, red hair hooded his bright eyes. "I know that it's not their fault they're are nuts. However, it has been two hours and a half. You know he has to be in there."

"Do you think we should come back tomorrow?" Isumi asked.

"No," Waya growled, swallowing his food and stood up. His determination renewed. "I couldn't help him last time. You were only here at the end. You did not know how it was. Waiting for him to come back. He ran away from everyone, Isumi. It was maddening. There is no way I am letting that happen again. You hear me, SHINDO! I know you are in there." Instinctively, Isumi sighed and covered his ears, wincing as each knock became like the sound of a cannon firing.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG! BANG!

"Come out! There is no way I am letting you quit a second time!"

BANG!

Isumi pulled at his pant legs, "Isumi, let go. I am not leaving until you COME," (BANG) "OUT" (BANG). "SHINDO HIKARU!"

Then Isumi really pulled his pants. The fabric slipped down his bottom. Waya's eyes jumped out of their sockets. His tall companion's face turned a bright red. The redhead's pants were at his ankles revealing red boxers with black and white dots on them. "WHAT THE HELL! Isumi! Not here!" he shouted whirling around to come face to face with Shindo Hikaru. "Shindo!"

"Waya, I am not quitting. Now, will you please stop harassing my neighbors and land lord? I have been blinded, please pull up your pants." Bleach bangs covered green eyes as their companion stood in front of him. Waya's jaw hit the ground as he looked at the crowd of angry people at each end of the hall. The pro could only laugh nervously. Shindo could only sigh as he let the two in and again apologize for his broken cell phone.

XXXX

Akira had been invited home for the first time in a while. His parents were back from one of their many trips overseas. Once dinner was finished, his father invited him to play a game. They completed the usual formalities, taking their bows and his father placed the first stone down. Akira could only resort to going full out. This was his mentor. His father. Why he loved and studied Go. At first it had been to make his father proud and take notice of him. To walk down the same path and become a good man. He admired his father. He loved his father. However, his father could never be enough in Go after meeting Shindo Hikaru. For Shindo he only had Akira now, and Akira had to make sure he would always have Hikaru.

His father studied him. "Is there something on your mind, Akira?" his father asked. "We have already finished."

"Father," he stated calmly. The finished game lay in front of them. "Shindo informed me of Sai's condition." Touya Koyo became still and waited. His facial expression was hard but his eyes drifted back to many years ago. "I understand why you did not betray Shindo or Sai's trust now."

"I see, and what have you come to learn?" his father asked with a smile.

Akira bowed his head, "I want to believe Shindo but…"

"It is difficult to believe," the late Meijin replied glancing out into the garden, "even I do not have all the facts. However, when Shindo did come and tell me that Sai could no longer play. I understood." A gentle breeze blew over the fence and made small ripples on the pound. The grass was slowly growing in. Buds were peaking out from the tips of branches. Within a matter of weeks, the garden that had been so silent in winter would come alive.

"Hai," Akira looked out into the garden. It was very different from the snow covered day so many months ago. It felt like it had been forever but it was only four months.

"You have waited long to receive your answer. Now that you have it," his father gave him a glance. The finished game was still fresh.

"Is that all there is to it?" Akira asked after a moment. "Just believe him."

"Shindo may have a sense of humor," the late Meijin stated chuckling, "however, about his friend, it is impossible. After all, Shindo is a pro as are you, Go is the one thing we don't joke about. Especially, our teachers."

Akira nodded, looking at his father. He could not remember when the man had become slightly smaller and was beginning to hobble. However, his father's mannerisms never changed. He was the same man but different.

"Akira," the softer tone startled him. "Waiting is just part of making the choice. Once you have all the facts you can make the next move. After all this time you finally have all the facts. I think you already know the answer."

"Hai," the young man slowly nodded, processing the new information. Shindo had fulfilled his part of the deal. Now it was Akira's turn.

"Now that your head is cleared, would you like to discuss the game?" his father smiled as he watched relief spread across his successor's young face.

"Hai," Akira smiled for the first time in what felt like a really long time.

XXXX

"Explain it to me again," Waya snarled as he soaked his hands in ice water. They were now a shade of cherry red but the throbbing had stopped. Hikaru sighed as he took a seat across from his two friends.

"How many times? I threw my cell phone in the river," Shindo shrugged.

"And what in all that is holy in Go possessed you to throw your phone into the river?" Waya's eyes were turning red. Isumi was ready to jump between Waya and Shindo if it came down to murder.

"I couldn't stop myself," Shindo stated, "I was calling the Go Association about canceling my matches for Golden Week and the lady was giving me a hard time."

"Canceling?" Waya's head shot up, "Matches? But, you said."

"I am going on a trip during Golden Week," Hikaru replied. "I have to give a two week notice. Otherwise I will be eliminated from any tournaments." He headed into his fridge and pulled out a bottle of sake.

"It's good to see you have learned from your mistakes," Isumi nodded in agreement. His eyes showed worry as the bottle was unscrewed.

"How could I forget last year?" Hikaru groaned, pouring himself a cup.

"That's why you got kicked out of the Hoinbou tournament! What a load of…" Waya jumped up, slamming his hand against the table top. "Ow."

Isumi sighed and Shindo chuckled.

"Hey, I am in this condition because of you and your stupid rival boyfriend," Waya snapped. "Kiss and make it better! I demand compensation!"

"No way," Hikaru snapped, "besides, Isumi is here, make him do it." With a clank the cup hit the table.

"But, it is not his fault," the redhead replied. Isumi had turned a brilliant red boxer color.

"Actually, it's your own fault," Isumi replied, "we could have just waited quietly, you insisted that we break down the door with our fists."

"Because we are men!" Waya pumped the air with his red fist, "Shindo you are drinking."

"Oh please," Hikaru rolled his eyes, "Would you like some?"

"Hell yeah," Waya smirked pouring himself a glass.

"So did you get permission for Golden Week?" Isumi changed the subject, as he eyed the two. The cups hit the surface again.

"I was able to, but if Akira wants to come with me he has to fill out a form himself," Hikaru replied.

"Akira...Wait you mean Touya. Touya is going too!" Waya stared. "You invited Touya! Are you sure this is not a love love honeymoon trip?" His eyebrows moving up and down.

"Nani! It's not like that!" Hikaru's face turned bright red. "We aren't going to do anything like that."

"Like what?" Isumi asked, not understanding why blood was trickling out of his friend's nose.

"Ho ho so this has nothing to do with Go," Waya chuckled, a dangerous gleam. "Akira and Hikaru sitting in a tree…"

"Shut up!" Hikaru shouted, throwing everything in sight at the dancing red head. Isumi could only sigh but smile, it had been a while since Hikaru had been himself. This was good, even if he was intoxicated. Isumi winced as the two acted like monkeys

XXX

It was late when Akira returned home and stood in front of the telephone. He had tried Hikaru's cell phone, it only went to voice mail. Now, he was calling his home line. Praying, the teenager would pick up. In his head, he had gone thru what he wanted to say. However as the phone rang on the other side his mind went blank.

"Moshi Moshi," a familiar voice cheerful voice.

"Hikaru?"

"Akira?"

"Waya-san?" Akira blinked, "You are still there?"

"It is A-Kir-a," a sing song voice came from the other end. In the background there was a brawl for the phone. "I bet you want the phone you minx. Well, I'm not giving it to you." Waya's frolicsome tone echoed through the receiver.

"Give it to me!" Hikaru's distress erupted. "Waya! I am going to kill you!"

"Hello, Touya?" Isumi's angelic voice hide the sound of war in the background. "Is everything all right?"

"Shouldn't I be asking that question?" Akira asked. A loud crash in the background followed by a war cry from his rival boyfriend. "What is going on?"

"Hikaru is trying to get to the phone while Waya is keeping him in a chair," Isumi reported dutifully.

"You are helping Waya," Akira dryly stated.

"Hai," Isumi joyfully replied, "You would understand if you were here."

"I am going to regret this, why," his heart rate had calmed but now his head ached.

"He is currently in distress," Isumi replied with a smile. "He really would like to see you. It is safe to return so you can come by anytime now."

"Akira, save me!" Hikaru announced.

"Shindo! Get back here," Waya thundered, "Get off my Isumi!"

"Gomen nasi Touya-kun," Isumi smiled and the phone went dead. Akira stared at the phone in shock and a chill ran down his spine. Within seconds he was running to the train station, a light spring coat in hand.

XXXX

Instantly, Akira was tackled by a doting Hikaru. The bleach blonde reeked of cheap sake, and was attempting to suffocate him with affection. Waya and Isumi watched from the kitchen table, clearly amused. Especially, the redhead who was livid at his arrival.

"Finally decided to join us," Waya smirked as Akira tried to squeeze out of Hikaru's death-grip.

"Don't want Akira-chan to go," Hikaru nuzzled into his arm. "You just got here."

"I wish I hadn't come," Akira muttered, holding his nose.

"You mean that," Hikaru's large green eyes began to water.

"No, no," Akira corrected as his rival's behavior did a 180. He tried to look amused at the pout.

"YAY!" Hikaru threw his arms up and ran over to the board. "Let's play Akira!" His rival's eyes popped out of his sockets.

"Dear god, what did you do to him?" Akira whispered to Isumi. The apartment was a mess.

"It was all Waya," Isumi sighed throwing back another cup of sake. "In reality, Hikaru was like this before he came home. However, he had a few more bottles of sake within the hour."

"You mean he was running around town drunk," Akira blinked in shock as Hikaru sat at the goban picking up stones and stacking them on top of each other. "Dear god. How many did he drink?"

"Who knows, who cares. This is now your mess," Waya slapped Akira on the shoulder, "I was expecting to torture you but, I figured this is much better. Have fun Hikaru-chan, Isumi and I are going home."

"Have a nice time making out!" Hikaru waved from his seat. The white and black stones scattering in all directions. "Aw, my castle fell down."

"Wait you are leaving me with him," Akira twirled in shock. Waya gave him a wink and chuckled as the apartment door closed with a click.

"A-Ki-Ra," Hikaru pouted from the goban, "I wanna play Go!"

"Hai," Akira sighed as he took the seat opposite. "We can only play one game, it's really late."

"You better not fall asleep," Hikaru smiled as he carefully cleared the board. "Otherwise I'll doodle on you." He placed the stone bowls on the surface, glaring as Akira began to reach for the white stones. "Matte, first, we pay our respects to Sai." For a moment, Hikaru paused and clapped his hands in front of the board, "Yosh! Sai grant us a great game!"

"Anno, Hikaru," Akira became uneasy.

"This is Sai's board you have to pay your respects, especially if you are going to play on it," Hikaru snapped, glaring daggers. Akira's eyes widen in realization. He was going to play a game on the board that Sai had been trapped in for many years. Hikaru was still testing him.

Touya Akira closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. Clapping his hands he announced, "Sai grant us a great game."

"Yosh! Now we play!" Hikaru pumped his hands into the air. The first stone hit the surface glowing as it landed in a classic Shusaku opening. Akira answered the challenge in total seriousness. It was another rumor he could test, a drunk Shindo Hikaru was never to be taken lightly. By the end of the night, Touya Akira quickly learned this was to be absolutely true.

WR: I have a few more chapters before I can really end this fic. I am going to apologize since I don't know I will be inspired to get the rest out. I have already begun the epilogue but I need a few things before that. So thank you for your support and patience. I will get back to this ASAP (thought it may take a while).


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